Kyou Kara Maou Very Secret Livejournals
by Schnickledooger
Summary: Parody! KKM characters' deepest secrets, personalities and desires are exposed. WARNING: mad rantings, jealous ravings, and numerous stalkings. Guaranteed to have you laughing your socks off! Ch8:Wolfram
1. Gunter1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own **Kyou Kara Maou, **Tomo Takabayashi does.

**Summary: **Livejournals which expose Kyou Kara Maou characters' deepest secrets, personalities, and desires. WARNING: mad rantings, jealous ravings, and numerous stalkings. Guaranteed to have you laughing your socks off. BEWARE!

**A/N: Bold parentheses with a number inside indicate a footnote which is explained at teh bottom.**

**Title: Kyou Kara Maou Very Secret Livejournals**

**Gunter **

**Post 1: **Very, very flutter-happy! Finally met Demon King after eighteen years of waiting. Had no idea he was so KAWAII! Was love at first sight. Am glad will be teaching him about our land and customs as will have him all to self mostly. CANNOT WAIT!

**Current Mood: **Fangirlish.

_**Comments: **Feh! Don't know why you're so excited. The brat's an ignorant dumbass. And an ugly one to boot. _

_**-Adelbert**_

**Reply: **AH! HOW DARE YOU INSULT HIS ROYAL ADORABLENESS-er, I mean Majesty-YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE YOU RESMEMBLE A DEADBEAT PRO-WRESTLER WITH A SQUASHED PUMPKIN FACE!

**_-_Gunter**

* * *

**Post 2: **Horrified and in shock over recent tragedy. Was eating dinner peacefully with His Majesty for first time. Everything going smoothly except for Superior Majesty, Lady Celi, hitting on him. Tried best not to claw her eyes out. Settled for restraining her from suffocating His Highness in her gigantic coconuts. Thought that the only bad thing that could happen. Forgot about Little Lord Brat-coughGoldilockscough. Goldilocks insulted Demon King's mother. Demon King bitch-slapped Goldilocks across right cheek. Now Goldilocks and His Highness engaged. Am most miserable. Will go hang self now. 

**Current Mood: **Suicidal

_**Comments: **No! Don't kill yourself, Gunter! If you die, then I'm going to have to be taught by Gwendal! Don't leave me alone! THAT DUDE'S SCARY!_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine)**_

**Reply: **MWAHA! OF COURSE I WILL NOT DESERT YOUR HIGHNESS IN YOUR HOUR OF NEED! I KNEW YOU CARED ABOUT ME! I LOVE YOU TOO!

**-Gunter**

_**Comments: **YOU CHEATER OF A FIANCE, YOU! WE'RE NOT ENGAGED FOR EVEN 24 HOURS AND YOU'RE ALREADY FLIRTING WITH OTHER PEOPLE? I'M GOING TO FLAMBE YOU AT TOMORROW'S MATCH!_

_**-Wolfram**_

_**Comments: **YAH! WHAT'S HIS PROBLEM? THAT GUY NEEDS ANGER-MANAGEMENT CLASSES! Match? What match? There's a match? IS THAT THIS WORLD'S CODENAME FOR THE WEDDING CEREMONY? WAH! MOMMY, I WANNA GO HOME!_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine)**_

* * *

**Post 3: **EXTREMELY EXCITED! Thought day would be horrible with match between Goldilocks and His Royal Cuteness. Even though Goldilocks blatantly effeminate, is quite good with sword. Thought he'd win match, so dressed up in cheerleader outfit that I heard about from His Majesty's world to hoist King's spirits. Put luscious lavender hair into two pigtails and borrowed two pom-poms from Gwendal's room. Was all prepared to cheer chant I made up: "HIGHNESS! HIGHNESS! HE'S SO CUTE! CUTER THAN THAT GIRLY COOT! BREAK HIS NOSE, STOMP HIS HAND! KNOCK GOLDILOCKS INTO THE SAND! GOOOOOOOOOOO, HIGHNESS!". Did not get chance to as His Majesty transformed into Ultimate Demon King Mode With Fetish For Justice. Kicked Goldilock's behind and entertained everyone with dazzling water dragon show. All in all, day off to nice start. 

**Current Mood: **Flutter-happy again!

_**Comments: **YOU DUNCE! DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT BECAUSE YUURI WON, IT MEANS WE'RE OFFICIALLY ENGAGED NOW? AND FLUTTER-HAPPY ISN'T A WORD!_

_**-Wolfram**_

_**Comments: **Those we're not pom-poms you borrowed. They are my two SHEEPDOG toys that I made when I was 80! NOW GIVE BUH-BUH AND MITZY BACK RIGHT NOW!_

_**-Gwendal**_

**Reply: **WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME:sob:

**-Gunter**

* * *

**Post 4: **Was moping about that His Highness wasn't here. Apparently whenever he comes into contact with water, he sometimes gets summoned back to his own world. Doesn't even have time to leave me a good-bye note! Am most miffed. Was taking stroll by baths when saw His Majesty had returned and being accosted by two voracious nymphs. Rescued him and discovered they were not nymphs but most certainly voracious. Now gorgeous, perfect hair in matted tangle. All the thanks I get for my noble sacrifice is His Highness being subtly stolen away by Conrart. SNEAKY, SNEAKY CONRART! CRUEL, TRICKSY LORD WELLER! HIS MAJESTY IS MINE! MY OWN! MY PRECIOUSSSSSSSSSS! **(1)**

**Current Mood: **Feel like biting into raw fish head for some reason…

_**Comments:** Now, Gunter, you know I was only looking out for His Majesty's well-being. Don't go all Drama Queen._

_**-Conrad(aka Conrart, aka Lord Weller)**_

**Reply: **GO AWAY! I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU! DON'T INTERRUPT ME WHEN I'M IMMERSED IN MY SULKING/POUTING/BROODING MOOD! Makes me feel all giddy afterwards. Heeheehee! Or it could be, because I'm breathing the fumes of some potion I've made for no apparent reason. Mwahaha! GWENNIE! MY TURN TO HOLD THE KITTY!

**-Gunter**

* * *

**Post 5: **Am fidgety and bored. His Highness embarked out on mission to search for legendary Demon Sword, so have nothing to do. Sounded a little scared of the prospect, but determined all the same. SUCH WILL POWER! Conrart went along too. "To guard His Majesty" he said. HA! Only good thing about this whole affair is that Goldilocks snuck along with them and will not let Lord Weller attempt anything. Ho-hum. Boredom increasing. OOH! I KNOW! WILL CREATE SHRINE ABOUT HIS HIGHNESS SO I WILL NOT BE LONELY NEXT TIME HE GOES ON ANOTHER MISSION! HURRAY! 

**Current Mood: **Flutter-happy!

_**Comments: **none._

**Reply: **NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME:wails:

**-Gunter**

_**Comments: **Or they are seriously freaked out._

**-Annissina**

* * *

**Post 6: **Went with Conrart and Goldilocks to fetch Demon King out of Tomb of Great One. Somehow he was summoned back to his world again without my knowing. Little Lord Brat being awfully secretive about incident. Suspects he has something to do with it. 

When arrive, is in admiration of His Highness's outfit. Every time he returns to this world, has new fashion statement! Must get name of tailor to give him utmost gratitude for making His Majesty even more cute than possible. Goldilocks went into usual rant of Demon King's infidelity. Took opportunity to slyly wrap towel around His Highness's shoulders. Later, will take towel to Shrine of His Majesty to worship in secret when no one is looking. Met Ulrike. Discovered she's reason behind His Royal Cuteness disappearing suddenly. Will find way to sabotage her and evil plan and make look like Little Lord Brat's fault. Little midget kept hitting on His Highness. His Highness so naïve, did not realize. Interrupted her seductive spree to explain His Majesty had to "perform his studies" with me. LOL! I LOVE THAT PHRASE IN _BOTH_ SENSES! X3!

**Current Mood: **Eager

_**Comments: **I was NOT hitting on His Majesty! I was merely hero-worshiping him! There's a difference!_

**-_Ulrike_**

**Reply: **I'll be the only one doing the worshiping here, you shrimp! AH! DO YOU HAVE A SHRINE TOO? THAT'S NOT FAIR! WELL, YOU'RE NEVER GET A HOLD OF THIS TOWEL! NEVER! GET YOUR OWN SAMPLES!

**-Gunter**

_**Comments: **What shrine? What are you talking about? WHY WOULD I WANT SOME OLD TOWEL! Have you been smelling fumes from the potion you make for no reason at all again?_

_**-Ulrike**_

* * *

**Post 7: **Am most irritated. Was quite eager to have His Highness "perform his studies" with me. Lord Weller felt the need to supervise the lesson for one reason or another. So was forced to give out boring lecture on territories of Demon Kingdom and neighboring lands. Not to be easily thwarted, tried to sneak up on His Majesty while he was in bath. Found out Conrart beat me to it again. DOESN'T HIS MAJESTY REALIZE THE MAN IS STALKING HIM? Had to pretend I came for some other reason than to offer backrub. Spouted off something about the Gem of the Dragon King being stolen. Wasn't so bad. Got to go down to castle's underground where I was ALONE with His Royal Cuteness IN THE DARK! MWAHA! 

Except for Lord Stalker.

And Goldilocks.

And a multitude of soldiers.

ALRIGHT, WAS NOT ALONE! Did not even have chance to snatch few of His Highness's hairs to add to shrine. Instead, all received was Cursed Band of Celibacy which makes harsh screeching noises when in close proximity to His Majesty. Will not come off. Fear this will permanently damage social life and more attempts at objects for shrine.

And sleek, shiny hair.

**Current Mood: **DEPREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESED.

_**Comments: **Serves you right, Lord VonKrist. No one likes a perverted old guy trying to imitate Lucius Malfoy, chasing after them!_** (2)  
**

_**-Wolfram**_

**Reply: **You think I'M the one chasing after His Royal Cute-er, His Majesty? Take a good look at your stalker brother! AND I AM NOT TRYING TO IMITATE LUCIUS MALFOY, GOLDILOCKS!

**-Gunter**

_**Comments: **LORD WELLER IS NOT MY BROTHER! He's hitting on Yuuri? I KNEW THAT "MORNING EXERCISE ROUTINE" WAS A SCAM! WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON THAT LITTLE FLIRT! You are right by the way. Lucius Malfoy is too strong and cunning for your character. You are just like that prissy, pretty-boy elf, Legolas._

_**-Wolfram**_

**Reply: **I AM NOT LIKE LEGOLAS, YOU LITTLE-oh my, now that you mention it, I DO see the resemblance! But I'M the prettier one by far though!

**-Gunter**

_**Comments: **Hey, guys? What's with all the typing?_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine)**_

**Reply: **MY EARS! MY EARS! AH! MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE! DAMN YOU, CURSED BAND OF CELIBACY! DAMN YOU!

**-Gunter**

* * *

**Post 8: **Have holed self up in Shrine of His Majesty with towel only item have managed to snatch. Current situation am in induced session of Sulking/Pouting/Brooding Mood. Did not help. Next tried fumes of potion which I make for no apparent reason. Also did not help. Only brought on half an hour of foggy idiotic happiness as attempted to view Cursed Band of Celibacy as hair accessory. Made kissy faces in mirror and sang favorite song, "I'm feel pretty! So, so pretty! I feel pretty, and witty, and gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! And I pity any one who is not meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee todaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!" **(3)**

Learned that His Majesty snuck out of the castle with Lord Stalker and Goldilocks in "pursuit of the Gem of the Dragon King" while singing. Have always hated that song.

**Current Mood: **Irritated

_**Comments: **Shrine of His Majesty? Is that what you were talking about earlier?_

_**-Ulrike**_

**Reply: **GET OFF MY BLOG, THUMBELINA! **(4) **His Highness has already left to do who knows what with Conrart and Little Lord Brat, so there's no need to go poking your dwarven head about! AND I SAID NO SUCH THING ABOUT A SHRINE!

**-Gunter**

_**Comments: **I have His Majesty's SWEAT._

_**-Ulrike**_

**Reply: **…What?

**-Gunter**

_**Comments: **I said I have His Majesty's SWEAT. From when he was summoned at the Tomb of the Great One. Why did you think I kept holding his hand at every opportunity? I've got it in a vial…IN MY SHRINE! I've also got a piece of His Highness's clothes and a chicken leg WHERE HIS LIPS TOUCHED THE MEAT! CAN YOUR MEASLY TOWEL BEAT THAT, LEGOLAS, HUH, CAN IT?_

_**-Ulrike**_

**Reply: **I KNEW YOU WERE SCHEMING SOMETHING! I KNEW IT! JUST WAIT AND SEE! AS SOON AS I AM FREE OF THIS CURSED BAND OF CELIBACY, I WILL HAVE MORE OBJECTS THAN YOU! MY SHRINE WILL OUTSTRIP YOURS BY FAR! As for now…how much do you want for that chicken leg?

**-Gunter**

* * *

**Post 9: **Am drowning in guilt. Did not know day would turn out like this, otherwise would have stayed in hidden shrine and sang another verse of my favorite/most hated song. Was captured by Anissina who said she could free me of Cursed Band of Celibacy's spell. Quite desperate so agreed. Was spun around on circular slab which was powered by Gwendal pedaling bike, to try and throw the Cursed Band of Celibacy off. Did not work. Am dispirited, but took secret delight in watching Gwennie's long silken pony-tail swish back and forth. Have insane urge to give it good hard yank for no reason. Anissina next tried to suck Cursed Band of Celibacy off with giant vacuum cleaner. Also did not work. Still happy because Gwennie quite actually cute when face all pink from exertion. Next, had hair washed with special shampoo that tried to make Cursed Band of Celibacy slip off. Also did not work, but very happy because Gwennie got to massage my temples with his strong hands. Finally, Anissina had Gwennie kiss me-or rather, the Cursed Band of Celibacy-as last resort. 

It worked.

Should be happy.

Am EXTREMELY happy (but not because Cursed Band of Celibacy off).

Feel EXTREMELY guilty because have less desire to add to Shrine of His Majesty and more desire to start a Gwennie one.

**Current Mood: **ANGST! ANGST! ANGST!

_**Comments: **If you so much as even ATTEMPT at collecting my sweat, or strands of hair from my long silken pony-tail WHICH TOOK 200 YEARS TO GROW OUT, or steal any of my stuffed animals, or stalk me like His Highness, I WILL LOCK YOU AWAY IN MONASTERY! NO LOOKY, NO TALKY, NO TOUCHY! GET IT? GOT IT? GOOD!  
**-Gwendal**_

**Reply: **I do hope His Majesty returns soon. Gwennie's playing hard to get is so very, very appealing. Maybe I should put Cursed Band of Celibacy back on…

**-Gunter**

* * *

**A/N: LOL! First Kyou Kara Maou fic ever. I plan do all the main characters blogs. Please review and tell me fav parts!**

**(1)Mentionings of The Lord of the Rings and characters associated within that universe are owned by JR Tolkien. Here, Gunter is doing a parody of Gollum's usual way of speaking.  
**

**(2) Mentionings of Harry Potter and all characters associated within that universe belong to JK Rowling.  
**

**(3)The "I Feel Pretty" song Gunter sings is from West Side Story and is owned by Jerome Robbins and Arthur Lindsay.**

**(4) Thumbelina is owned by Hans Christian Anderson**


	2. Wolfram

**Disclaimer: **I do not own **Kyou Kara Maou, **Tomo Takabayashi does.

**Summary: **Livejournals which expose Kyou Kara Maou characters' deepest secrets, personalities, and desires. WARNING: mad rantings, jealous ravings, and numerous stalkings. Guaranteed to have you laughing your socks off. BEWARE!

**Title: Kyou Kara Maou Very Secret Livejournals**

**Wolfram**

**Post 1:** Had secret Hot Boys Club meeting today. True, no other members besides me so far, but really, who ELSE can match up to my GORGEOUS shining, flaxen hair and STUNNING shimmering emerald eyes? Not to mention have cute butt like granite. As president of club, made rule that all non-Hot Boys should be ridiculed, gossiped over, and spread evil rumors about. Privately, of course. Do not want secret Hot Boys Club being discovered by people of lesser beauty. Would be a tragic, horrible fate, as it would no longer be Hot Boys Club. Would be…:gasp: Hideously Ugly Boys Club! Am most alarmed at thought. Will go off and read fan mail from admirers around kingdom to lift spirits.

**Current Mood: **Disturbed

_**Comments: **Dear Wolfram,_

_You are so hot you make the sun sweat. You are so beautiful, I need sunglasses to look at you so I will not be blinded by your brilliance! You are the Adonis of the Demon Kingdom. You are totally fabulous and the greatest thing since sliced bread. I hope you stay hot forever!_

_Love, _

_Your adoring number one fan, _

_**-Schnickledooger**_

_P.S. Will you marry me?_

**Reply: **Dear **Schnickledooger,**

Thanks for the groveling and fanatic worshiping, but no, you can't marry me. I am saving myself for my destined one. Besides, I get the feeling you are not hot, and I, who, as you said, am the Adonis of Hotness cannot be caught dead with someone of a lesser stature. So no. Come back after plastic surgery and we'll see then.

**-Wolfram**

_**Comments: **Dear Wolfram, _

_Because I adore and obsess over you, I forgive your egotistical, insensitive remarks. I should warn you, though. I am the author and if you annoy me enough, I will enact my infinite power over you. I can make you hit yourself. _

_Love,_

_**-Schnickledooger**_

**Reply: **Dear **Schnickledooger,**

My face hurts. I just hit myself. I hope you're happy. YOU HAVE INDIRECTLY MARRED THE ADONIS OF HOTNESS!

**-Wolfram**

* * *

**Post 2:**Am pouting. Day has not gone as planned. Was all set out for trip to town for daily massage and pedicure. Thought perhaps, I'd even look for some Hideously Ugly Boys Club members and taunt them as my job for being a Hot Boys Club member. No such luck. Had barely set foot outside palace when Demon King shows up after eighteen years of waiting. Has wild unruly locks of raven black hair and crystal onyx eyes. Very KAWAII! Am slightly fearful that I may no longer be the Demon Kingdom's number one Hot Boy. Must check blog. 

**Current Mood: **Anxious

_**Comments: **none._

**Reply: **It is as I feared. Demon King WAY Hotter Hot Boy than me. Not good. Must induct plan swiftly to salvage status.

**-Wolfram**

_**Comments: **Wolfram-sama! I STILL THINK YOU'RE THE BIGGEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!_

_**-Schnickledooger**_

**Reply: **You do not count. I do not have time for people who attempt to blackmail and abuse me. If you continue to waste pointless space on my blog, I will have no choice but to block you!

**-Wolfram**

* * *

**Post 3: **Had first dinner with new Demon King. Brilliant, super-genius mind thought out sly, conniving plan to hoist my Hot Boy status back up to where it was before Demon King stole it. Insulted Demon King's mother. Was bitch-slapped across right cheek by Demon King's temper tantrum. Now engaged, thus making my Hot Boy status equal with his. Furthermore, made Demon King pick up knife. Having duel tomorrow, so can kick rival Hot Boy's butt and show everyone who is the hottest. LOL! AND THEY SAY BLONDE'S ARE DUMB! HA! XD! 

**Current Mood: **Vindictive and Eager

_**Comments: **So you feel nothing other than dislike for His Highness, Wolfy-Darling?_

_**-Celi(aka Superior Majesty, aka Ex-Demon Queen)**_

**Reply: **Of course, Mother! One can not be attracted to the competition and I do not care how cute he is!

**-Wolfram**

_**Comments: **That's good then, because he's on Gunter's blog right now expressing his affections. _

_**-Celi(aka Superior Majesty, aka Ex-Demon Queen)**_

**Reply: **WHAAAAAT? THAT TWO-TIMING, CHEATING FIANCE! HE THINKS HE CAN BE UNFAITHFUL? NO ONE DUMPS THE ADONIS OF HOTNESS! HE'S GOING TO BE ROASTED AND USED FOR S'MORES AT TOMORROW'S MATCH!

**-Wolfram**

* * *

**Post 4: **Went to duel all swaggering and confident. Knew Demon King had never swung a sword, much less held one in all his life. Quite a wimp if you ask me. Was quite eager to trounce him in battle and resume number one Hot Boy spot in kingdom. Was slightly unnerved when wimp started shedding clothes. Bare chest inspired more determination to win as Demon King proved he was even hotter. Wimp made up fake sport called "sumo wrestling" so he could beat me easily. Fell hard on my cute granite butt. Became enraged (more so than already was). Tried to make good on my vow of roasting and using him for s'mores with my fire element skills. Would have worked too if ditzy fangirl hadn't crept so close up to the match to watch. Accidentally toasted her instead. Wimp's turn to grow enraged. Accused me of being a "selfish barbarian coward". Would have laughed at feeble attempt at insult if hadn't been slightly wary of bright sky changing to dark clouds and raining. Began to suspect I was in a bit of trouble. Wimp transformed into Ultimate Demon King Mode With Fetish For Justice. Nearly got strangled by his water dragon elements. Had to make a big production out the whole accident, didn't he? How overly dramatic! Anyway, Wimp won match. He is still number one Hot Boy in Demon Kingdom. Am still his fiance though, so plan still working with only minor mishap. 

**Current Mood: **Disgruntled and scheming

_**Comments: **You could be a little sympathetic and sorry towards the girl, you know! And what's with all this Hot Boy speeches? You got some secret society or club going on or what?_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, akak Urine, aka The Wimp)**_

**Reply: **The Adonis of Hotness NEVER apologizes! As for the girl, I hope she is that insane author, **Schnickledooger. **AH! HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE SECRET HOT BOYS CLUB? WHO TOLD YOU? WAS IT GUNTER? HE'S ALWAYS TRYING TO MAKE ME SLIP UP AND TELL HIM ABOUT IT! HE WANTS TO JOIN IT BUT HE CAN'T AND NEITHER CAN YOU! _THERE IS NO SECRET HOT BOYS CLUB!_ WHAT KIND OF CRAZY IMAGINATION DO YOU HAVE?

**-Wolfram**

P.S. Even if there was, I'd still be President! It doesn't matter if you ARE the number one Hot Boy in the Demon Kingdom! It is MY CLUB…_WHICH DOESN'T EXIST!_

* * *

**Post 5: **Snuck out of castle with Wimpto chase after Big Brother Gwendal and Lord Weller who thought it best for us "children" to stay out of harm's way which humans are causing. Off on mission to rebel and show my fans not only HOT but am WICKED AWESOME with sword. Was made to look like fool and nancy boy in past unfortunate duel. Persuaded Wimp he could not ride a horse, so got to sit behind me. Did act to prove to people Demon King not as strong as believed. Also, did act because like wild butterfly feeling in stomach when his arms around waist. Was going to lie that had gotten lost and wander around till night where would casually suggest we "sleep close together for warmth". Plan thwarted by Adalbert-coughtheBabooncough-appearing and casting spell so could not use Fire Lion of Almighty Power element. Instead, had to listen to the Baboon taunt me about being "Goldilocks". GUNTER'S MOUTH HAS OPENED ONE TIME TOO MANY! Suspects the Baboon may be president of Hideously Ugly Boys Club. Also suspects that he suspects I may be president of Secret Hot Boys Club. No matter how intense torture is, must not reveal Secret Hot Boys Club. Must NOT reveal Secret Hot Boys Club. MUST NOT REVEAL SECRET HOT BOYS CLUB! 

**Current Mood: **ANXIOOOOOUS

_**Comments: **I always knew blondes were dumb, but I had no idea there were delusional as well._

_**-Adalbert**_

**Reply: **DON'T PRETEND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! I'M ON TO YOUR LITTLE GIG!

**-Wolfram**

_**Comments: **Just a random question off topic about…uh…whatever you two are talking about…but, what was that about getting lost in the woods earlier? Is that some other ancient and funky custom you people have? What's the true purpose behind that? Is that where you ditch your adversaries and leave them to die? Or is where little pink pixies with flower hats come out to play and dance in a circle lulling their victim into a false sense of security before turning into viscous man-eating beasts? OMG! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOLF! THERE'S NO NEED TO BE SO MAD AT ME WINNING THE MATCH THAT YOU TRY AND KILL ME OFF! _

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**_

_**Comments: **Feh. Idiot. Did you not catch the "sleep close together for warmth" part? You two make a great couple: Twiddledee and Twiddledumb._

_**-Adalbert**_

**Reply: **YUURI, HOW CAN YOU PUBICLY SHAME OUR LOVE WITH YOUR UNJUST ACCUSATIONS LIKE THIS? YOU UNTRUSTING, FAITHLESS WIMP!

**-Wolfram**

**

* * *

**

**Post 6: **Am seriously ticked off. Little rendezvous with Wimp not going as planned. First Adalbert shows up and nearly uncovers Secret Hot Boys Club. Then have to desert Yuuri to get help, leaving him vulnerable to other people's advances like Lord Weller. They were hugging when I returned to the scene. HUGGING! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? Shudders to think of they would be doing if had arrived ten minutes later. If wasn't bad enough, Yuuri almost abducted by rioting human. Was thrown off horse and landed in Big Brother Gwendal's arms. Was most uncomfortable as they stared into each other's eyes for like eternity. Had no idea Wimp such a flamboyant flirt. Going to have to teach him who he belongs to.

**Current Mood: **JEALOUS!

_**Comments: **YAH! GWENNIE! WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH HIS MAJESTY? NO! YOUR MAJESTY, WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH GWENNIE? NO! I MEAN-WHO AM I UPSET WITH? I'M SO CONFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSED!_

_**-Gunter**_

_**Comments: **Conrad and I were just hugging! That's all! You know-LIKE BROTHERS! Who I belong to? What are you saying? WILL SOMEONE PLEASE WAKE ME UP FROM THIS NIGHTMARE?_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**_

**Reply: **I'LL DEAL WITH YOU LATER, YOU DOUBLE-CROSSING TRAITOR! Right now, I have to ride into town and make sure Secret Hot Boys Club not discovered. IF THERE WAS ONE THAT IS!

**-Wolfram**

* * *

**Post 7: **Relieved to learn no one knows of Secret Hot Boys Club. Returned to castle just in time to tail Lord Weller and Wimp onto ship. Was going to flambe both because thought they were eloping. No, only on voyage to find legendary Demon Sword. Heh, O.K. Can relax enough to become violently sick now. 

**Current Mood: **DYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYING

_**Comments: **Wow, Wolf, your face is as green as your eyes!_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**_

**Reply: **I knew:croak:that:moan:you cared!

**-Wolfram**

_**Comments: **YOU'RE CUTE EVEN WHEN YOU'RE THROWING UP, WOLFRAM-SAMA!_

_**-Schnickledooger**_

**Reply: **Of course, I:heave:am! I'm the:retch:president of the Secret Hot Boys Club:heave:remember? NOW GET OFF MY BLOG, EVIL AUTHORESS:hurl:

**-Wolfram**

* * *

**Post 8: **Recent spell of sickness has past. Am feeling most vigorous. Made sure uniform spanking fresh, hair swoon-worthy in lustrous locks, strawberry cologne thoroughly soaked into skin of neck, and peach lip-gloss shimmering in temptation on luscious lips. Once gloriously perfected, went off to search for Wimp to induce nice long session of snogging. Found him in ballroom of ship _dancing with a woman_. THAT LITTLE FLIRT IS _SO DEAD_ WHEN I GET HIM ALONE! 

**Current Mood: **VENGEFUL

_**Comments: **The girl couldn't have been more than eight! What is your problem? You're going to give me a heart attack the way you pop out of nowhere like that! TAKE A TRANQUILIZER!_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**_

**Reply: **WHAT DOES THAT KNEE-HIGH TODDLER HAVE THAT I DON'T? Pink outfit? Well, I can get one of those easily back at home. YOU WANT PINK, YOU CHEATER? I'LL GIVE YOU PINK! I saw this really eye-catching nightgown in the front window of a store…

* * *

**Post 9: **Captured by pirates. Was made to hide in closet with Wimp by Lord Weller. Wimp gave us away by bumping into box. Clumsy oaf. Then he made situation even worse by pretending to be Zomosogoli Dragon. Said he was trying for a cat. Pathetic idiot doesn't even know how to make the right animal sound. Only good thing about being stuck in closet was got into conversation with Wimp about each other's Hotness. Reluctantly told him he was number one Hot Boy in kingdom. Wimp protested profusely, saying that I was a "bazillion times Hotter" than him. Was glad closet so dark, because face was on fire with pleasure. Am considering in letting him join Secret Hot Boys Club. As Vice-President of course. 

Anyway, captured by pirates who am sure are members of Hideously Ugly Boys Club. Brought onto deck where Wimp transformed into his usual Ultimate Demon King Mode With Fetish For Justice to defend pint-sized woman he was cheating with. Good news: Hideously Ugly Boys Club members now in custody of Cimaron law officials, rotting in jail where they belong. Bad news: so are we. However, I did not mind very much as got to hold Wimp's head in lap and run hands through thick, fine hair. Mood destroyed when Yozak showed up to rescue us. Found out Wimp not only cheated on me with pink midget, but him too. TWICE! Will kill unfaithful finace now. Toodles.

**Current Mood: **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANGRY!

_**Comments: **Will you stop with the "you cheater!" bit! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! THE GIRL WAS EIGHT AND YOZAK'S A GUY!_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**_

_**Comments: **Oh but sweetcheeks, how could you forget our wonderful time in the ballroom, not to mention the bath! It will stay branded into my memory forever! Teehee!_

_**-Yozak**_

**Reply: **YUURI, HOW DARE YOU BETRAY OUR LOVE LIKE THIS? AND TO THINK I WAS GOING TO LET YOU BE VICE-PRESIDENT IN MY SECRET HOT BOYS CLUB…_WHICH AS YOU RECALL, IS NOT REAL!_

* * *

**Post 10: **Am worried Hotness slipping. Rowed oar in boat until thought arms would pop off. Walked and walked and walked up hill on island until reached some inn. Wimp went off with Yozak and Weller to get said Demon Sword in cursed lake. Too tired to worry over finace in company of available men. Decide will burn all to crisp if discover any cheating. 

**Current Mood: **Exhausted

_**Comments: **WOLFY, YOU'RE HOT EVEN WHEN YOU'RE DROOLING ON YOUR PILLOW! X3!_

_**-Schnickledooger**_

**Reply: **All right, that's it. I'm officially blocking you off my blog. I do not like being stalked, especially by someone I have no idea who they are.

**-Wolfram**

_**Comments: **I already told you, KAWAII-Wolfy, I am the almighty author! I know everything about you and you can do nothing to halt my mad fangirl fiascoes! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_

_**-Schnickledooger**_

**Reply: **If you're so almighty, why don't you post a profile about yourself so people can tell who they're dealing with? CHICKEN!

**-Wolfram**

_**Comments: **I HAVE posted a profile! It is on Fanfiction, Mediaminer, and my website. You just can not view it because I have not allowed you access. BECAUSE I AM THE AUTHOR AND YOU ARE NOT! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_

_**-Schnickledooger**_

* * *

**Post 11: **Wrote memo to self to get lawyer to deal with freaky fanatic fangirl claiming to be author when back in Demon Kingdom. Wimp returned from cursed lake without Demon Sword. Laid on pink bedspread muttering feverishly about his "poor little pinky" and "its face". Wimp must really like color pink. Am more determined to get nightgown in store now. Read Wimp bedtime story about Demon Sword's abilities in using human souls as fuel for power. Then argued with him about engagement. Wimp had forgotten all about it and asked to break off. Furious, so locked self in closet to have good sulk. 

**Current Mood: **Pouting

_**Comments: **Come on, Wolf, its not like the engagement was real or anything, right?_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp).**_

**Reply: **NO ONE DUMPS THE ADONIS OF HOTNESS! NO ONE!

**-Wolfram**

* * *

**Post 12: **Back at Covenant Castle finally. Wimp got his courage in gear and retrieved Demon Sword. Then attempted to get powers to work. Went to Van Da Via Hospital hoping for people to kick the bucket. No such luck. People-who are part of Hideously Ugly Boys Club, am sure-recovered at astonishing rate. Am most perplexed. Entered Wimp in tournament where Demon Sword had field day with old man's soul. Had to wear one of Hideously Ugly Boys Club members outfit to escape to Mother's cruise ship. Had to endure Mother hitting on Wimp. Had to endure Wimp and Lord Weller having romantic moonlit stroll down the beach. Suspecting fates of life may be against me. Snuck into Wimp's bed while he was sleeping to emphasize engagement. Wimp did not appreciate act. Wimp summoned to own world without so much as an "I love you, dear finace. Please be patient upon my return." Selfish Wimp! 

**Current Mood: **Irritated

_**Comments: **O.K., I can handle the whole "you cheater" gig and the possessiveness even, but Wolfram…STAY. THE. HECK. OUT. OF. MY. BED!_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**_

**Reply: **There's no need to be so shy. It's natural to be nervous. Don't worry. We'll discover each other's likes and dislikes over time.

**-Wolfram**

_**Comments: **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"_

**-_Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)_**

* * *

**Post 13: **Had to fetch Wimp out of Tomb of Great One. Wimp openly flirting with about fifty shrine maidens. Gave Wimp full lecture how not to abuse his Hot Bot status and how he was engaged so was not available. Met Ulrike. Found out she and Great One have little shin-dig on summons where Wimp keeps disappearing. Thumbelina repeatedly hitting on fiance. Had to drag out of shrine by ear. Decided only way to catch Wimp's attention is to advertise things he likes. Went into town and bought pink nightgown. Crept into bed before him and did dramatic, fragile pose. Think I finally caught Wimp's attention. 

**Current Mood: **ECSTATIC

_**Comments: **DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND "STAY THE HECK OUT OF BED!"? I NEVER WANT TO SEE THAT NIGHTGOWN AGAIN!_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**_

**Reply:**Yuuri, I had no idea you were so bold to suggest that:shocked:Really, we're not even married!

**-Wolfram**

_**Comments: **YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**_

* * *

**A/N: LOL, hope you enjoyed this! Can you tell Wolfram is my favorite? Next up is Gwendal! If anyone wants to fangirl him like me with Wolfy, leave message for him in review and I will put it in his blog next chapter! Please review and tell me fav parts!**


	3. Gwendal

**Disclaimer: **I do not own **Kyou Kara Maou, **Tomo Takabayashi does.

**Summary: **Livejournals which expose Kyou Kara Maou characters' deepest secrets, personalities, and desires. WARNING: mad rantings, jealous ravings, and numerous stalkings. Guaranteed to have you laughing your socks off. BEWARE!

**A/N: Bold parentheses with a number inside indicate footnotes which are explained at bottom. **

**Title: Kyou Kara Maou Very Secret Livejournals**

**Gwendal**

**Post 1: **Woke up from nice dream about cute fluffy puppies, balloons, and cotton candy. Day off to good start, but to make even better, took trip down outside castle to barracks to terrify and intimidate soldiers with Intense Silence And Grumpy Glare. Took vindictive pleasure watching them squirm, sweat, and confess to crimes did not even know about. Me and bad self having field day until Demon King showed up after eighteen years of waiting. Was worried he would be cutting in on my Mysteriously Scary-Fear Me Now presence I like to flaunt. Turns out Demon King a mere kid with no clue whatsoever and not scary in the slightest. Will have great time striking terror in heart of him.

No matter how very KAWAII he is.

**Current Mood: **Malicious

_**Comments: **Hey! Why are you so dead set against me? I thought you would be nice! Conrad was telling me how when he was little, he scraped his knee and was crying, and you gave him you're favorite stuffed animal, Mr. Tickle-Giggles! Of course, you stole it back from him the next day, but still, WHY ARE YOU BEING SO FRIGHTENING?_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine)**_

**Reply: **I don't have the faintest idea of what you are talking about! As for now, look at your WebCam and be PETRIFIED with my Intense Silence And Grumpy Glare! MEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!

**-Gwendal**

P.S. Conrart, remind me to kill you when I see you again.

* * *

**Post 2: **Had first dinner with kid posing as Demon King. Gave grunts as answers and hid evil grin as kid had near panic attack. Would have had fun with that all night if Little Brother Wolfram had not been so upset at losing his number one Hot Boy status to KAWAII kid from his Hot Boy Club that he thinks no one knows about. Little Brother insulted kid's mother. Kid bitch-slapped Little Brother across right cheek. Now both engaged. Wonderful, just what I need: _IT_, as my brother-in-law. 

Will kill fake Demon King if IT attempts anything on Little Brother.

Or terrify him with Mysteriously Scary-Fear Me Now presence. HOO-HAH! MWAHAHA!

**Current Mood: **Vindictively Gleeful

**_Comments: _**_EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH! GWEN-CHAN, YOU'RE SO CUTE BEING PROTECTIVE AND DELICIOUSLY EVIL! THAT'S WHY I LOVE YOU! AH! I WANNA HUG YOU FOREVER!_

_**-Kattea**_

**Reply: **Who are you? How did you get on this blog? This is restricted to members only! You are not on my list. Vile stalker, gaze at your WebCam and prepare to be scared out of your life by my INTENSE SILENCE AND GRUMPY GLARE! TASTE THE POWER OF FEEEEEEEEEEEEEAR! WAHAHAHAHAHA!

**-Gwendal**

_**Comments: **LOL, Gwennie, THAT'S SO KYUUUTE! X3:pinches cheeks:DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN! AH:has gigantic nosebleed:_

_**-Kattea**_

**Reply: **I am logging off now. Need…knitting needles…need knitting needles and cute stuffed animals…NOW!

**-Gwendal**

* * *

**Post 3: **Went to match between fake Demon King and Little Brother after traumatic night of nightmares about stalker. Took comfort in cuddling Mr. Tickle-Giggles close to chest. And Buh-Buh and Mitzy. And numerous others. Was on lookout for any potential stalkers on way to match. Was temporarily paralyzed when thought I saw one. But no, only Gunter in strange outfit with hair in ponytails and two strangely familiar shaggy balls in hand. Puzzled musing cut short by IT _ATTEMPTING_ on Little Brother by doing striptease. Was going to strut forward and enact bodily harm to IT, but was halted as Little Brother lost temper and called on his Fire Lion of Almighty Power element. Miscalculated target and would have toasted fangirl if had not cast shield on her. IT grew furious and transformed into Ultimate Demon King With Fetish For Justice. Guess IT is not a fake after all. IT also taught Little Brother lesson of keeping self-control in check. Will not stop me from giving IT threat not to ATTEMPT on Little Brother again. 

On another note, Demon King's water dragon elements very KAWAII, so sparkly and pretty.

**Current Mood: **Protective

_**Comments: **You don't have to smother me, Big Brother. I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF! Besides, who's to say I didn't WANT to be ATTEMPTED on!_

_**-Wolfram**_

_**Comments: **YAH! Don't listen to him, Gwendal! I took off my shirt because that's what you do in sumo wrestling! Well, actually, you take off a lot more, but I figured that'd be too much to handle here._

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine)**_

**Reply: **WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? It's bad enough you do a striptease in front of my innocent baby sibling, but you're saying THAT WAS BARELY THE TIP OF THE ICE-BERG? DEMON KING OR NO, NEXT TIME I SEE YOU, YOU WILL LEARN THE APPROPIATE MANNER OF CONDUCT TOWARDS YOUR FIANCE BEFORE MARRIAGE!

**-Gwendal**

_**Comments: **I wasn't ATTEMPTING, I swear! M-M-MARRIAGE? But the slap thing was a fluke! A FLUKE, I SAY! Oh please, someone kill me now:sob:_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine)**_

_**Comments: **Big Brother, did you notice how Lord vonKrist's pom-poms resemble SHEEPDOGS?_

_**-Wolfram**_

**Reply: **They did seem somewhat fam-:gasp:GUUUUUUUUUUUNTEEEEEEEEEEER! HOW DARE YOU KIDNAP BUH-BUH AND MITZY! I am logging off to rescue my friends, _Your Majesty_: sarcasm, sarcasm:but I WILL be having our promised lecture together!

**-Gwendal**

_**Comments: **Hey, Wimp, do you have a WebCam?_

_**-Wolfram**_

_**Comments: **sniffle:Yeah…_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka apparently Wimp now)**_

_**Comments: **Show me some more of "sumo wrestling"._

_**-Wolfram**_

* * *

**Post 4: **Buh-Buh and Mitzy safely back in my room. Gunter pouting because he was not able to give Demon King special cheer he made up. Told him to not ATTEMPT on IT. Is Little Brother's fiance after all, no matter how much I loath. Pouting only increased as well as wails of denial as man dashed into garden to have pity-party. Had to have break from chaotic castle, so took vacation with Lord Weller to territory where humans were rioting. Was about to vent my stress level out on them when Demon King arrives with Little Brother in tow. Suspect IT encouraged younger sibling to elope. Obviously, last threat did not work. IT played cool acting like not caught in illegal act and covering up with some rubbish about "his duty as Demon King to protect everyone including humans, blah, blah, blah". Could not help small feeling of satisfaction when IT nearly abducted by human who's ears were probably hurting with the long, dismal speech too. IT thrown off horse, so got to show off my smooth, stunning gracefulness to audience by catching IT in arms. Don't know why as cheeky brat spoiled my vacation. 

**Current Mood: **Irritated

_**Comments: **O.K, I know Wolfram's going to log in here any second and start on his usual rant of "you cheater" bit, but I have to set the record straight: I WAS NOT ELOPING! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE IT CLEAR TO YOU PEOPLE THAT I DON'T HAVE ANY INTEREST IN GETTING MARRIED?_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Winp)**_

**Reply: **You DARE toy with my little brother's affections?You would lead him on a false trail of hope, indulge your own selfish pleasure, and leave him the utmost disgrace and sinfulness? YOU WILL MARRY HIM IF I SAY YOU WILL, COWARDLY WORM! OR I WILL FOLLOW YOU AROUND FOR ALL ETERNITY AND FRIGHTEN YOU WITH MY INTENSE SILENCE AND GRUMPY GLARE NOT TO MENTION MY MYSTERIOUSLY SCARY-FEAR ME NOW PRESENCE!

**-Gwendal**

_**Comments: **EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! YES, SIR! OF COURSE, SIR! Gawd, my life sucks(T-T)!_

**_-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)_**

* * *

**Post 5: **Taking advantage of Demon King's absence to finally relax. IT apparently summoned to own world when in contact with water. Had great time back at own castle having tea party with stuffed animals. Learned that Mr. Tickle-Giggles does not get along with Sweetie Petey, a yellow canary. He says Sweetie Petey's singing annoys him when he's trying to take a nap, which is often. Promised to shelf him with Mrs. Hop-Happy a one-eared rabbit he has major crush on. Learned Mrs. Hop-Happy still holds grudge against me for lending her to Wolfram when small. How was I to know Little Brother violent pyro-maniac with fetish for destroying things. Tried to apologize for thousandth time but Mrs. Hop-Happy says will not forgive me until I knit her dress to marry Mr. Tickle-Giggles. Mr. Tickle-Giggles, once had found out her story, resolved to be angry at me also until I teach him to tango so he can dance with Mrs. Hop-Happy at their wedding. Sweety Petey also mad at me for replacing Mr. Tickle-Giggles with Hairball, a very KAWAII orange-striped kitty as his new shelf-mate. 

Honestly, can't please everyone at once.

**Current Mood: **Exasperated

_**Comments: **OMG! GWEN-CHAN, U R SO HAWT HAVING A TEA PARTY WITH STUFFED ANIMALS! Marry me and I will don a dress for Mrs. Hop-Happy and dozens more for her and Mr. Tickle-Giggles's children! NOT TO MENTION OUR OWN! MWEE! X3!_

_**-Chizz-muffinChik**_

**Reply: **Now see here, Stalker #2, YOU CAN'T GO AROUND ASSUMING PEOPLE WILL MARRY YOU! I mean, marriage is a sacred thing and should only be acted upon with the full consent of both parties!

**-Gwendal**

_**Comments: **Hey, Mr. Mysteriously-Scary-Fear Me Now, how about running that last statement by me again while you're at it?_

**-_Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)_**

**Reply: **You are either the most stubborn-headed IT that has ever graced my presence or you are incredibly naïve and stupid. DO I HAVE TO STAND BEHIND YOU AT THE ALTAR AND FORCE YOUR MOUTH TO TIE THE BOND? My little brother's happiness is at stake and YOU WILL NOT DENY HIM HIS MOST HEARTFELT DESIRE!

**-Gwendal**

_**Comments: **MWAH! GWEN-CHAN! I have an UBER great idea! Let's make the wedding a DOUBLE! Yuuri-shnookums and Wolfy-baby, and YOU AND ME! You can make Mr. Tickle-Giggles your best man!_

_**-Chiz-muffinChik**_

_**Comments: **I say, YOU THERE! STAY AWAY FROM MY GWENNIE! He has IMPORTANT things to do besides converse with stalkers like you, such as brushing out his long silken ponytail. SO BEGONE, OR I WILL HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE THAN TO SLAP YOU SILLY!_

_**-Gunter**_

_**Comments: **Oh PUH-LEAZE, Legolas! I can whup yo' tail anytime!_

_**-Chiz-muffinChik**_

**Reply: **I will…just go now…:sweatdrop:

**-Gwendal**

* * *

**Post 6: **Thinks perhaps life getting more complicated every day. First have become target for multitude of stalkers plus Gunter. Then Demon King summoned back to world and makes himself cozily at home in MY castle, in MY office, in MY chair! If not bad enough, IT had audacity to put blame on me for unstable situation in land. Apparently, I am "a cruel, deaf dictator". Made me most irritable. Was in process of storming off to knit when slammed into Anissina. Had heart-stopping moment of overwhelming fear as Anissina the one person who is not affected by my Intense Silence and Grumpy Glare and whom my Mysteriously Scary-Fear Me Now presence mysteriously disappears around. Was lucky though, as she had Gunter help assist her with Experiments Of DOOM! As usual, did not work. 

On side note, IT off on quest for legendary Demon Sword with Conrart and Little Brother along. Sent Yozak after to tail and break them out of trouble if encounter any. Also to make sure IT does not ATTEMPT anything. I know his blatant denials are all a ruse. And Conrart too trusting of Demon King's false pretense to realize IT is plotting sly, sinister scheme. Probably will allow Little Brother and IT to sleep in same room and bed and think nothing of brainless act.

By the Great One, IT is causing more wrinkles than necessary on face. Not good. Cannot fully intimidate anyone with Intense Silence and Grumpy Glare if face sagging like elephant's behind.

**Current Mood: **Concerned

_**Comments: **NEVER YOU FEAR, GWENDAL! I HAVE JUST THE RIGHT INVENTION TO MAKE YOUR FACE THE WORST NIGHTMARE OF PEOPLE'S DREAMS!_

_**-Anissina**_

**Reply: **sweatdrop:As…tempting as that may be…:sweatdrop:I think the best course of action is rest and relaxation:sweatdrop:MR. TICKLE-GIGGLES, HELP!

**-Gwendal**

* * *

**oPtS 7: **Haaiiiiiil, Meedal Urth:hic:Me and chum, Laggy Leggy back from kwest to distwoy pretty shiny gold…ah…thingymajig:hic: Sittin' back naow near base of big firey hill, chillin' and sipping the good stuff, knooooow wot I meeean? Also petting kitty Hairball who has come alive:claps:KNITTING DOES MAJICCCCCCK! YEAH! Shhhhhh! Doan't tell evwrywun! Ooh! Gotta go! Leg-whats-his-face says time for us to dance around big fiery hill and katurwall! Oh look, naow there's twooooo Leggies! HAHAHAHA!**(1)**

**UrCnten OdMo: **Seein' pink elephants and dragons. Nuff said, yo!

_**Comments: **Sing, Eragon! Sing! WAHAHAHAHA! _**(2)**

_**-Gunter (aka Legolas, aka Laggy Leggy)**_

**YlEpR: **LOL! The name's Aragorn, dude! I ain't got no blue flying lizard named Saphira!

**-NweDnLag(aka Aragorn, aka Eragon)**

_**Comments: **Laggy Leggy says sorry! But sing anyway, SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING! _

_**-Gunter(aka Legolas, aka Laggy Leggy)**_

**Plyre: **Today I brew! Tomorrow I'll bake, and then the annoying-IT-Demon-King's-first-born-I'll-train-to-never-grow-up-like-his-unfortunate-half-human-father! Yo ho ho, I am Captain Jack Sparrow! SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVY? **(3)**

**-LanWEgD(aka Aragorn, aka Eragon, aka Captain Jack Sparrow, aka Gwennie)**

_**Comments: **Gwendal! What have I warned you about smelling the fumes of that potion Gunter makes for no apparent reason? Acting like children, really…CAN I BE GALADRIEL? OOH! OR ANAMARIA? _

**_-Anissina_**

* * *

**Post 8: **Have holed up in office to hide after past day's utterly embarrassing happenings. Woke up with MASSIVE hangover. Also with me and Gunter dressed in maid outfits and Anissina in shiny black outfit with whip. Do not even want to KNOW. Tried to delete past post, but was blocked somehow. Alert with "Almighty Author denies you the luxury of comfort" pops up. Think perhaps is virus. Was currently knitting frantically to try and dull out memory when Gunter skips inside with basket of strawberries like Little Red Riding Hood **(4)**. Am AGHAST! Secret knitting obsession-er, hobby-now in open. If not bad enough, Gunter insulted Mr. Tickle-Giggles by calling him pig! I mean, sure, he eats a lot, but NO ONE should be called a glutton!

**Current Mood: **Sulking

_**Comments: **Hey, Gwendal, I just want you to know that Hairball the kitty is MINE and I want him back! To make sure you yield to my demands, look towards the shelf and notice that the pig-er-bear is gone. Yes, I have BEAR-NAPPED him! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! However, I will give him back when Hairball is returned to me. Also…I WANNA LOCK OF YOUR LONG SILKEN PONYTAIL! OMG! I WANNA HOLD AND STROKE IT, AND KEEP IT UNDER MY PILLOW AT NIGHT! AUGH! MAIL IT NOW! MAIL IT NOW!_

_**-JenFur(aka Stalker #3)**_

**Reply: **Ah! MR. TICKLE-GIGGLES! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WAH! GIVE HIM BACK! HE'S NOT YOURS! AND NEITHER IS POOR HAIRBALL! PLEASE, THINK OF THE SUFFERING YOUR CAUSING! HE HAS A WIFE AND THREE LITTLE BABBITS ON THE WAY! Or three little rears. Can not decide--;;.

**-Gwendal**

* * *

**Post 9: **Made deal with Stalker #3. Mailed her lock of hair from long, silken ponytail like requested and then pleaded with her more to keep defenseless Hairball from tragedy. Then had to mail two more locks of hair to Stalkers #1 & #2 at their whining of "unfair!". If this rate keeps up, will be bald before long. Have to get lawyer in future. Can not right now, as IT has returned back from quest with Demon Sword. Asked Conrart if IT had ATTEMPTED anything. Lord Weller smiled irritatingly and said should be asking Little Brother as he's the one who always ATTEMPTS. LIES! ALL LIES! Little Brother still needs night light and Mother to sing him "You're So Vain!" to go to sleep. Is still child. Obviously Conrart under enchantment of IT and sinister plan. Will have to take drastic measures not to be reeled in. 

On another note, will have to discover identity of black-clothed people scampering gaily around palace who are obscenely dismal at keeping low profile. Honestly, they think I don't notice them. It's almost as if they WANT me to see them…

GASP!

IT'S THOSE PSYCHO STALKERS IN DISGUISE OUT FOR MORE OF MY STUFFED ANIMALS AND LOCKS OF MY LONG SILKEN PONYTAIL!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! KEEP THEM AWAY! MY HAIR! MY ANIMALS! MY LIFE!

**Current Mood: **Terrified

_**Comments: **Um…actually, we are just poor, pathetic incompetent flippant buffoons masquerading as ninja-wannnbes sent by your egotistical, covetous, callous ignoramus of an uncle to kidnap naïve, unsuspecting puerile Demon King._

_**-Dudes In Black(aka The Wannabe Ninjas)**_

_P.S. Somehow our group name makes us want to see Will Smith and Tommy Lee in an alien movie! LOL!_ **(5)**

**Reply: **Oh…right. I knew who you guys were the whole time! I was just testing to see how honest you were so I could lessen the penalty a little. I see by your confession you have met Little Brother. Anyway, is time to enact Mysteriously Scary-Fear Me Now presence which has been long overdue. Gaze at your WebCams and COWER before my INTENSE SILENCE AND GRUMPY GLARE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**-Gwendal**

_**Comments: **Um...why are you wearing a three-corned hat and have a stuffed parrot on your shoulder when you are wearing patent leather shoes with lace socks? _

_**-Dudes In Black(aka Wannabe Ninjas)**_

**Reply: **AH! THAT'S WHY MY GUARDS WERE LAUGHING AND GUNTER WAS NOSEBLEEDING! I WILL _DESTROY _THAT ABYSSMAL POTION HE MAKES FOR NO APPARENT REASON!

**-Gwendal**

* * *

**Post 10: **Think perhaps bad-self reputation sliding. People no longer dashing into hiding at mere sight of me. Even IT is less frightened than I like. Was all set to buff up performance when IT left with Conrart and Little Brother to discover Gem of the Dragon Crown theft, when pulled aside by Anissina to "please help assist her" with her Experiments Of DOOM! Translation: "Bow at my every whim and command or I will make being turned into mince meat a pleasurable experience compared to what I have in store for you!" Turns out Gunter was object of Experiments Of DOOM! Man seems to have gotten Cursed Band of Celibacy stuck on head. Would have been chuckling gleefully if not had been so exhausted using arm and leg strength to try and get Cursed Band of Celibacy off. Was not only irritated at stubborn object but also at Gunter's expression at me of adoring worship usually reserved for IT. Was quite fed up and ready to leave when shoved face-first into Gunter whereupon lips crushed Cursed Band of Celibacy, thank goodness. Cursed Band of Celibacy off, but now have bigger problem as suspect Stalker list has grown. 

**Current Mood: **Stressed

_**Comments: **Gwennie, let's drink some more of that potion I make for no apparent reason! I have another good scenario we could act out! Ahem: Gwennie-sama, Gwennie-sama, be where art thou, Gwennie-sama?_

_**-Gunter**_

**Reply: **I could use some more of that potion…TO FOREGT MY WRETCHED LIFE'S TROUBLES AND YOU!

**-Gwendal**

* * *

**A/N: Soooo sorry it took this long to get out! Gwendal was VERY stubborn. But as you can see, I made him pay! HEHEHE! Hope I got all the stalkers in, and I had to edit your comments to fit the scene. OK, next is Conrad, so fangirls applying for stalker roles, REVIEW AND COMMENT! Lol, he's gonna be tough. He's not even funny when HE jokes, but hey, I AM THE ALMIGHTY AUTHOR! My existence is to amuse audiences and make the borrowed characters lives hell! MWAHAHAHA! OK, REVIEW AND TELL FAV PARTS PLEASE!**

**(1) Mentionings of Lord of the Rings and associated characters within that universe are owned by JR Tolkien.  
**

**(2) Mentionings of The Inheritance Trilogy (aka Eragon) and associated characters within that universe are owned by Christopher Paolini.**

**(3)Mentionings of the Pirates of the Carribbean and associated characters within that universe are owned by Walt Disney and all other respected owners.**

**(4)Little Red Riding Hood belongs to all respected owners, but not me.**

**(5)By mentioning of Tommy Lee and Will Smith and their alien movie, I am talking about Men In Black, its sequel and it is owned by Columbia Tristar and all other respective groups.  
**


	4. Conrad

**Disclaimer: **I do not own **Kyou Kara Maou, **Tomo Takabayashi does

**Summary: **Livejournals which expose Kyou Kara Maou characters' deepest secrets, personalities, and desires. WARNING: mad rantings, jealous ravings, and numerous stalkings. Guaranteed to have you laughing your socks off. BEWARE!

**A/N: Bold parentheses with a number inside indicate a footnote which is explained at the bottom. **

**Title: Kyou Kara Maou Very Secret Livejournals**

**Conrad**

**Post 1: **Set off with Gunter to bring Demon King back to castle after eighteen years of waiting. Was so excited told jokes to pass the trip. Was very difficult as guardsmen riding WAY ahead of us and Gunter humming loudly beside me, gripping reins in strange tight manner. Even though part demon, perhaps wonder sometimes if full demons have slight mental problems. Oh well, can not wait to see Demon King. Yeah!

**Current Mood: **All a twitter

_**Comments: **none_

**Reply: **Oh come now! I know everyone is beside themselves at meeting His Majesty, but I want some feedback. Tell me, Gunter, how did you enjoy my last joke?

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

_**Comments: **Um…which one was that again?_

_**-Gunter**_

**Reply: **You know, the jump rope one.

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

_**Comments: **Oh, I um…didn't quite catch that one…_

_**-Gunter**_

**Reply: **Ah, just SKIP it!

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

_**Comments: **blink, blink:…What (o.O)?_

_**-Gunter**_

**Reply: **YES! THE KING OF COMEDY HAS IT GOIN' ON! HAHA!

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

* * *

**Post 2: **Met Demon King at long last, though had to rescue him from Adalbert. Blond Baboon doing "fifth grade flirtation", aka taunting someone instead of openly admitting your feelings. Wonder if Baboon senses Julia's soul inside His Highness? In any event, drove Mr. Macho Muscles away with my Amazing Jokes Of CORN! Though, mostly tell hilarious, knee-slapping ones, do have couple of stinkers saved for rainy day. Once in middle of awful putrid knock-knock joke, Baboon fled shrieking like little girl for her mommy. Amazing Jokes Of CORN to the rescue once again! And my sword, that too, but mostly, I keep it just for looks. 

**Current Mood: **Accomplished!

_**Comments: **So, like, I was wondering do you guys sell strudel or pastries at any shops around here? Hey, I bet those employees have a great cheese shop in the make-believe village! Do you have any Julie Andrew look-alikes singing and dancing around, posing as Frauline Maria _**(1)**_? That'd be neat to see! And tell me, are these skeleton thingies remote controlled? This place has the coolest special effects!_

_**-Yuuri(aka Urine, aka Thou Naïve One)**_

**Reply: **I see Your Majesty has a sense of humor as well! We shall get along tremendously!

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

* * *

**Post 3: **Took His Highness to safe house where Gunter promptly went into usual Flutter-Happy FanGirl Mode. Had to convince His Majesty he was not in the Alps or a theme park, and there were most certainly no Julie Andrews-Frauline Marias dancing and singing about. Though, now that I think about it, a Julie Andrews-Frauline Maria would have been great disciplinarian for Little Brother. Perhaps would not have grown to be so spoiled. Oh well. Broke the news to him very gently about all that had occurred and what was to come. Think it went something like this: "You-are-now-Demon-King-of-this-world-which-is-not-your-world-your-job-is-to-get-rid-of-our-enemies-because-we-no-like-the-way-they-make-fun-of-us-we-have-very-delicate-egos-sorry-but-we-have-just-officially-signed-your-head-on-a-platter-to-all-foes-don't-worry-will-protect-you-with-Amazing-Jokes-Of-CORN!-oh-I-am-your-Godfather-by-the-way-pay-no-mind-to-slight-attraction-I-may-have-for-you-is-there-anything-else-you-want-to-know?" 

His Highness looked rather dazed after quick briefing, but regained senses enough to request I call him name I had given, Yuuri.

Wonder if that is permission for me to "become closer" to him. Not very likely I will act on that though, because not only will be uncomfortable in established position as sort of father/brother/friend figure, but also because prefer red heads.

**Current Mood: **Secretive Smile

_**Comments: **Conrad, you are super KAWAII! I LURVE your smiles! They make me go "SQUEEEEEE"! I have like a BAZILLION different pics of you in Super Sexy Smile Of Secrets! My only goal in life is following you and jotting down everything you say and do! Just know that I am not a stalker. Yes, yes, NOT a stalker!_

_**-Inu-Fox67**_

**Reply: **Why, thank you Person Who I Have No Idea How They Logged Onto My Blog. I quite agree with you about my smile, however I call it my Mona Lisa Smile:tries it out: What do you think?

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

_**Comments: **OMG! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! X3 X3 X3! U R awesome! Oh, and by the way, could you possibly move that colossal sized vase from in front of your window from now on? It obscures the view of your room from my tree._

_**-Inu-Fox67**_

* * *

**Post 4: **Finally back at own room at Demon Castle after EXTREMELY long and chaotic day of events. First off, His Majesty decided to show off daredevil horseback ride that must be the recent craze on Earth. Then made first bad impression with Brothers by falling off hard. Even blatant KAWAII-ness could not salvage situation. Almost became new stepfather by Mother's surprise attack in bath. Grande finale was at dinner when Little Brother could not handle attention being given to someone else other than him and trash-talked His Highness's mother. Was bitch-slapped by His Highness, engaged and immediately knocked dishes to floor challenging King to duel. Most unfortunately, His Majesty did not know anything about customs of our world, did not recall engagement and accepted duel by picking up knife. 

**Current Mood: **Somewhat mortified by happenings, yet also amused

_**Comments: **Well, maybe I would have recalled this "engagement" IF SOMEBODY WOULD HAVE TOLD ME WHAT EXACTLY I DID WITHOUT KNOWING! This is ILLEGAL-a scam or something! You can't expect someone who knows absolutely nothing about this land to do something so outrageous as marry a GUY! Hey, and I'm KING! That's right! I ORDER this "engagement" to be null and void! HAHAHA…hahaha…hahehe..heh…Does anyone else feel hot or is that just me?_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine)**_

_**Comments: **HEAR ME ALL PARTICLES WHO DWELL IN FLAME! OBEY THE ADONIS OF HOTNESS TAKING REVENGE ON HIS COWARDLY FIANCE! YOU WIMP, TRYING TO STAND ME AND OUR BETROTHAL UP? BURN! COOK! ROAST! CONSUME! _

_**-Wolfram**_

_**Comments: **YAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MOUTH ON FIRE! WAIT! I'M THE KING! THE ELEMENTS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO HURT ME! WHAT'S GOING OOOOOOOON?_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**_

_**Comments: **breathless:Oooh, Wolfram looks GORGEOUS surrounded by angry, hungry-licking flames! YOU ARE SO TOTALLY DROOLICIOUS AND HUNKACIOUS WOLFY: starry-eyed:_

_**-Schnickledooger(aka The Almighty Author)**_

_P.S. Memo to self, laugh maniacally at misfortune of Demon King for being victim due to my sadistic pleasures:deep breath: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA:hack, cough, wheeze, hack: Ahem…AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_

**Reply: **Seriously wonder why I even write on this blog. It is so much more entertaining reading about other people.

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

* * *

**Post 5: **Am most pleased by day's turn of events. His Highness at last proved to everyone that he is true Demon King. Happened at match between him and Little Brother. Managed to beat Little Brother both in sumo wrestling AND sword fight. Little Brother, of course, always out to prove he is better than everyone and tried to flambe his own fiance. Was too angry to calculate aim and almost hit Peeping Tom fangirl if Gwendal had not cast shield. His Majesty did not approve of violent demonstration and transformed into Ultimate Demon King Mode With Fetish For Justice. Turns out his element is water in shape of dragons. 

Just like Julia.

Feel slight attraction kicking me in stomach. Ignores. Think red heads! Think RED heads! THINK RED HEADS!

**Current Mood: **Angst

_**Comments: **Hey, Conrart, babe, I wuz wondering, did you love Julia? Do you believe Yuuri and Julia are one and the same? Does that mean you love Yuuri? You totally deserve him more since you are much more understanding than Little Lord Brat. Even though I love you, I also want you to be happy with anyone even if it's not me. _

_**-liloaznangel(aka the non-stalker fangirl, aka miss lilo-chan)**_

_**Comments: **ENOUGH, YOU BRAZEN HUSSY! YUURI IS MINE! NO ONE GETS THE WIMP EXCEPT ME! SO SHOVE OFF BEFORE I SHOW YOU MY SMOKED HUMAN RECIPE!_

_**-Wolfram(aka the Adonis of Hotness)**_

_**Comments: **Pwttttttttt! You don't deserve He Who Grows Smexy Long Hair In Ultimate Demon King Mode With Fetish For Justice! He's only engaged to you because of a freak accident, and you deserved to be bitch-slapped anyway for insulting Jennifer, lol!_

_**-liloaznangel(aka the non-stalker fangirl, aka miss lilo-chan)**_

_**Comments: **Well, THANK GOD someone's on MY side! Eh? But why are you trying to pair me up with my Godfather? And who's Julia? WHY WON'T YOU PEOPLE TELL ME ANYTHING?_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, Urine, aka Wimp, aka Thou Naïve One)**_

**Reply: **Sorry for alarming you, Your Majesty, but I cannot tell you who Julia is until later at the worst possible moment, when your head will be reeling already from too many things happening :coughs: So pay the past few comments no heed and be dazzled with my Mona Lisa Smile:beams:

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

* * *

**Post 6: **Off on trip with Brother Gwendal to human territory to "stop violent rioting, bring peace, etc". That's the ruse we're using for our cover anyway, but real story is both need vacation very badly from chaotic castle. Did not rest very long, because had to rescue His Highness from Adalbert. Apparently, Little Brother and him in process of eloping. Anyway, scared off the Baboon with another Amazing Jokes Of CORN! Baboon couldn't run away fast enough. Gave His Majesty hug, glad that he was safe. Ignored odd feeling in stomach again and showed him humans burning their homes so they could get money and build bigger, better ones. Sadly, will not work. Demons have rules about arson. On a brighter note, gigantic bonfire is good for toasting marshmallows for weeks. Asked everyone if they were up for s'mores. Apparently, one home-wrecker angry that the arson scam hadn't worked, tried to abduct His Highness and hold him for ransom. However, Gwendal's Intense Silence and Grumpy Glare as well as his Mysteriously Scary-Fear Me Now presence proved to hold great power over human rioter. His Majesty was quickly rescued and shortly thereupon fell into Gwendal's embrace. Will ignore possessive jealous feeling once again. Will leave shouting to Little Lord Brat-er, Goldilocks-ah, I mean Wolfram! 

**Current Mood: **Angst yet again

_**Comments: **YOU'D BETTER BELIEVE I'LL DO SOME SHOUTING! DO I HAVE TO PUT A SIGN AROUND THE WIMP'S NECK THAT SAYS "OWNED!"? DO I? CUZ I WILL, I SWEAR! _

_**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)**_

_**Comments: **I'M NOT WEARING ANY SIGN! AND I'M NOT "OWNED"! QUIT BOSSING ME AROUND, WOLFRAM! DON'T MAKE ME GET PHYSICAL WITH YOU…without even reading any further, I know I should have phrased the last bit better (T-T);;_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**_

_**Comments: **BIG BROTHER! MY FIANCE'S MAKING TOO-FORWARD ADVANCES ON ME! MY VIRTUE IS IN NEED OF DEFENDING!_

_**-Wolfram(aka the Adonis of Hotness)**_

_**Comments: **WHAT HAVE I WARNED YOU ABOUT YOUR CONDUCT TOWARDS YOUR INTENDED? IMMORAL IT, GAZE UPON MY INTENSE SILENCE AND GRUMPY GLARE AND FEEL FEAR AS YOU'VE NEVER KNOWN IT!_

_**-Gwendal**_

**Reply: **Note to all other members logged in as well those who are lurking anonymously…how in the Great Demon Kingdom do you respond to all that? No further explanation needed.

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

* * *

**Post 7: **On ship with His Highness on quest to search for legendary Demon Sword. Am feeling elated and happy that can finally be alone with His Majesty for once. Or would have been if Little Brother had not snuck on board after us to make sure we were not eloping in midst of lurid love affair. Honestly, Little Brother too paranoid. Have thought about reason why His Highness so appealing to me. One, has been established by all to be very KAWAII! And two, has soul of person whom may or may not have had more than friendly affections for. Probably will never know as she kicked the bucket before I could figure things out. Oh well, least I will not be attracted to His Majesty any mo-AH! RED HAIR! RED HAIR! HIS HIGHNESS IS WEARING A WIG THAT IS RED! ATTRACTION ALERT! ATTRACTION ALERT! Takes back all that was said. Situation much more dangerous than before now. 

**Current Mood: **WHY AM I HAVING ALL THIS ANGST? I'M THE KING OF COMEDY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

_**Comments: **Yes! Yes you are, Conrad! I LURVE your Amazing Jokes Of CORN! TELL ME ONE! TELL ME ONE! X3!_

_**-JenFur**_

**Reply: **I believe I shall! Is the perfect thing to take mind off current dilemma! Ahem, alright then, want to here a trashy joke?

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

_**Comments: **Conrad, you're gonna talk dirty:starry eyes:SURE!_

_**-JenFur**_

**Reply: **You don't wanna hear it. It STINKS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU WERE RIGHT! I DO FEEL BETTER! Thank you! Must go now-CHEERIO LUV!

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

_**Comments: **is locked-jawed from laughing…or possibly frozen from sheer stupidity of Amazing Joke Of CORN: XD…_

_**-JenFur**_

* * *

**Post 8: **Is amused by His Highness's antics. Had run in with Cavalcade man and daughter. Was most amused at His Majesty's reaction when man did formal hat off greeting of Balding Head Of Blindness. His naiveness is so very KAWAII! Ahem, but enough about that. Day went by rather smoothly. His Highness's Hero Complex woke up in time to save servant boy from beating. Then in evening, attended ship's ball as His Majesty's chaperone and to ward off annoying Environmentalist Sentimentalists who always try and crash wicked cool parties for the lame excuse of "destroying nature with pollution, etc". They sorta blow a fuse when people throw their leftovers on the floor. Really, those people ought to team up with the arsonists back home. 

Anyway, off topic here. His Highness attacked on all fronts the minute in ball room by what Gunter would call "voracious nymphs". Laughed to disguise possessive jealous felling yet again. Tried to tell self was only His Majesty's wig. Then REAL red head shows up and begins hitting on king and heart jumps in mouth as realize it is Yozak and he looks DAMN HOT in drag. Was about to suggest that audience would enjoy dance from her-er, him-preferably one that would had lots of flexible movements. Then Mr. Baldy-ah, Mr. Heathcrife-got everyone to go away by His Highness dancing with his daughter. Inquired what Yozak was doing here. Was told he was sent by Gwendal to keep tabs on His Majesty and make sure he didn't ATTEMPT on Little Brother. Told Yozak not to worry. Only ATTEMPTS being done around here were failures by Little Brother alone. And also the one from me when I casually suggested we go have our own party somewhere more private.

Can not reveal response or further happenings. Sorry. Blog only goes to T rating.

**Current Mood: **Whistling and Mona Lisa Smile, lol

_**Comments: **AAAAAH! C-RAD! WUT R U DOING? FIRST, YOU STAND ME UP AT THE PROM, THEN LEAVE ME AND OUR CHILD HOMELESS, AND WHERE DO I FINALLY FIND YOU? WITH YOZAK! HAVE YOU NO SHAME?_

_**-Chizz-muffinChik**_

**Reply: **I beg your pardon, madame, but…what on earth are you referring to? I have never heard of you before in my life.

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

_**Comments: **I believe I can help you out here. This, dear brother, is a classic example of a stalker and you…are her prey. Coincidentally, she also proposed to me on my blog. As much as she eerily invades privacy, she sounded pretty loyal. Had no idea she played the field._

_**-Gwendal**_

_**Comments: **YAY! GWENNIE-SAMA! I CAN'T HELP MYSELF! YOUR FAMLY IS FREAKIN' HAWWWWWWWWT! I WANNA PUT YOU ALL IN MY OWN PERSONAL HAREM! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!_

_**-Chizz-muffinChik**_

**Reply: **Not that I want to be offensive, but…I think I must warn you that as former demon princes, we all have VERY good lawyers.

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

* * *

**Post 9: **In foul mood. Pleasant evening rudely interrupted by pirates capturing ship, disrupting party, and declaring plans for selling people on black market. Whatever happened to the good old walking the plank thingagmajig? I mean, if you get captured by pirates, you are at least entitle to that one particularly luxury. Cheapskates. 

Anyway, captured by pirates along with His Highness and Little Brother whom they had dragged out of hiding place and onto deck with Little Brother struggling all the way and screaming "The Hideously Ugly Boys Club has come! The Hideously Ugly Boys Club has come! Run all Hot Boys, run!". Embarrassed and confused. Thought for certain the pirates were the Environmentalist Sentimentalists in disguise ready for revenge on the ship's people "polluting nature, etc". Huh, shows what I know.

So in the end, what happened was that His Majesty decided he too felt cheated out of the no-walking the plank scenario and transformed into Ultimate Demon King Mode With Fetish For Justice. Then to add salt to wound, made his first Godzilla Creature Of Justice **(2)** out of very pollutants the Environmentalist Sentimentalists were making such a riot over. Hope they hear about this. Shows everyone is always good to have a few piles of garbage lying about. Kicked pirates booties and sent them straight to Cimaron ship's jail, along with us too, as some people do not like demons. Busted out of cell by Yozak who unfortunately was not in DAMN HOT drag costume. Now escaping in rowboat headed towards Van Da Via Island for Demon Sword.

Wondering if Yozak will realize it not accident if he gets wet by my oar. Am certain he looks DAMN HOT also thoroughly drenched.

**Current Mood: **Eager

_**Comments: **Yo, Conrad, KEEP AWAY from Yozak! HE'S MINE! And KEEP AWAY from Yuuri! After all, Yuuri belongs to Wolfram! He bitch-slapped him after all. If you wanted him first, too bad! _

_**-Ronin-N-Gang**_

**Reply: **Oh, Zakky's yours? Really? Did not know that. Hmmm, and he made it so very clear that he was available. Will have to discuss this with him. So question, are you a stalker only if you like the person you're stalking? Because I do not feel any likable vibes here, haha:sweatdrop:

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

_**Comments: **WILL YOU PEOPLE ALL STOP WITH THE "BITCH-SLAPPING" THING? I DID NOT "BITCH-SLAP" WOLFRAM! IT WAS A VERY MANLY PUNCH! MY FIST JUST FLEW OPEN INVOLUNTARILY AT THE END! LIKE IT HAD A MIND OF IT'S OWN!_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp, aka Thou Naïve One)**_

_**Comments: **meanwhile, back in Japan, a twisted, sadistic group of people throw their heads back and cackle maniacally: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_

_**-The Creators(aka People Who Get Their Kicks Out Of Torturing Their Characters)**_

* * *

**Post 10: **Reached destination: Van Da Via Island. Morning spent most pleasantly listening to Yozak sing song, and also getting good view of backside while walking uphill. Checked into inn owned by girl with southern drawl even though place has specific Japanese design. Left Little Brother there as he immediately threw temper tantrum upon learning we still had to travel some more before we could rest. Left rather hurriedly with threat of being burned to a crisp if bothered him any further. Rowed boat into cave in lake, whereupon after discovering lake scorching hot to anyone other than Demon King, got help His Highness out of his clothes because he could only enter cursed lake unburned if naked. Discovered am still attracted to His Majesty even if he does not have red hair. Am suspecting Julia's soul may be key element here. His Highness did best to recover Demon Sword, but alas, he was bitten and vouched for returning to the inn as quickly as possible, shouting something about "rabies". Had several drinks with Yozak to drown out embarrassing incident. 

**Current mood: **Neutral

**Comments:** So, Zakky wanna know what's cool?

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

_**Comments: **What?_

_**-Yozak**_

**Reply:** Ice.

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

**_Comments:_** _…What?_

_**-Yozak**_

**Reply:** Was that an Amazing Joke Of CORN! or what?

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

_**Comments: **Oho, well, wanna know a REALLY funny one? How many Demon Kings does it take to pull a Demon Sword out of a cursed lake?_

_**-Yozak**_

**Reply: **I'm getting a terrible foreboding feeling. Is this a trick question?

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

_**Comments: **ZERO! Because there's only one Demon King and he has severe self-confidence issues!_

_**-Yozak**_

**Reply: **Wait…that's not only _not_ funny, that's disrespectful.

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

_**Comments: **That's the basic idea._

_**-Yozak**_

**Reply: **…You know what sucks besides that?

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

_**Comments: **What?_

_**-Yozak**_

**Reply:** A VACCUM! Hahahahaha!

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

_**Comments:**…Dude, seriously, where do you come up with those?_

_**-Yozak**_

**Reply:** I KNOOOOW! They're AMAZING, aren't they?

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

**_Comments:_** _Whatever._

_**-Yozak**_

**Reply:** So…do you think our fans can tell the difference from hard core liquor it looks like we're drinking or the orange juice it actually is?

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

**_Comments:_** _We're too butch for people to think we're drinking orange juice. Now DRINK UP! You've been on a boat a long while. YOU NEED YOUR VITAMIN C!_

_**-Yozak**_

* * *

**Post 11: **Suspects His Highness heard conversation between me and Yozak last night, because his room was empty besides sulking Wolfram in closet. Caught up to him at cursed lake where he was returning with Demon Sword. Tried to use patients at Van Da Via Hospital as guinea pigs for drawing out sword's power, but Little Brother's flaunting of Hotness revived everyone from death. Afterwards, I, for reasons unknown, foolishly leave His Majesty with Wolfram and Yozak in planning what to do. Next thing I know, I'm saving His Highness in the Roman Coliseum while Demon Sword goes haywire, then escaping in gladiator outfits to Mother's cruise ship, where I am forced to watch Mother's vain ATTEMPTS to make His Majesty my new stepfather…again. Went outside and warned Yozak not to be so jealous of my attentions to His Highness that he tries to do him in. Then I find myself walking with His Majesty alongside the ocean while moon shines down on us. Would almost have erased the whole tiring day if Little Brother had not been so paranoid as to stalk us. 

**Current Mood: **Exhausted

_**Comments: **Conrad, like OMG! Do you know how long it took for me to get on this blog? So much TRAFFIC! Anyway, I am like a HUGE fan of yours and just want to tell you I LOVE everything about you from your brown boots right up to your Mona Lisa Smile! _

_**-Kasumi Shino**_

**Reply: **Speaking of stalkers…(--;;)

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

_**Comments: **AH! CONRAD! DON'T FORGET ABOUT ME! I WISH TO GLOMP YOU! CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH PLEASE?_

**_-AncientSilverYouko_**

_**Comments: **LOL, I LOVE you too! Can I have permission to call you Connie? PLZZZZZZZZZZ?_

_**-ServantofFate65**_

**Reply: **Ummmm, I think I have bad enough nicknames already as it is, and I will mail the autograph later.Ahem, yes, and I am logging off now, so no more comments please, thank you!

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

* * *

**Post 12: **Went with Gunter and Little Brother to retrieve His Highness out of Tomb of Great One where he was summoned back here after being summoned before to his own world. Learned Ulrike and Great One are the ones in charge of summonings. Little Brother chewed out His Majesty about his so-called flirting with the shrine maidens while Gunter butted heads with Ulrike over some towel. Sometimes I wonder how I live with these people. 

**Current Mood: **Bemused and Sighful

_**Comments:** Aw, cheer up, Conrad, I think your relatives and co-workers are crazy too! Hey, let's play catch!_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp, aka Thou Naïve One)**_

_**Comments: **STOP YOUR BLATANT FLIRTING, YOU WIMP! LORD WELLER'S MORE THAN THREE TIMES YOUR AGE! DON'T MAKE ME CALL UPON THE FIRE LION OF ALMIGHTY POWER!_

_**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)**_

_**Comments: **WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLFRAM! I CAN NOT WARD OFF YOUR HOTNESS ANY MORE! I MUST HAVE YOU! MWEEEEEEE!_

_**-Schinckledooger(aka the Almighty Author)**_

_**Comments: **AUUUUUUUUUUGH! KEEP AWAY FROM ME, CRAZY OBSESSED STALKER FANGIRL! I HAVE A RESTRAINING ORDER!_

_**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)**_

**Reply: **No, seriously, I wonder why I even write here. It's like watching my own little circus! Haha!

**-Conrad(aka Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)**

* * *

**A/N: Wow, it's been almost a month since I updated:sheepish laugh:SORRY! Conrad gave me a ROUGH time. He's not really one of my fav characters and I had to bang my head against the wall numerous times to try and figure out how to make this guy funny! I have the bruise to prove it. And I also struggled with whether or not Conrad likes Yuuri as more than his godson. I don't really like that pairing, but the implications are in the anime and this is a parody after all. I did make sure to put his feelings for Yozak in here as well. I don't really care for that pairing either, but it's popular in fanfiction and has implications too. (Personally I like Yozak with Murata better:grins). So, hope you guys liked this chappie that took almost A MONTH! Next chappie is Lady Celi, Anissina, Giesela, and the three maids. It will be shorter than the others, of course. Please DON'T fangirl them. Save your comments for Yuuri who's coming after them. PLEASE tell me if you think I did Conrad and Yozak O.K., and PLEASE tell me your fav part. I like to see what made you laugh! THANK YOU!**

**(1) By mentioning Frauline Maria and Julie Andrews, I am referring to the movie, The Sound of Music, which is owned by Rodgers and Hammerstein and all other respective owners.**

**(2) By mentioning Godzilla, I am referring to the creature Godzilla made by the Japanese Toho Film Company Ltd and all other respective owners. **


	5. The Girls of the Demon Castle

**Disclaimer: **I do not own **Kyou Kara Maou, **Tomo Takabayashi does

**Summary: **Livejournals which expose Kyou Kara Maou characters' deepest secrets, personalities, and desires. WARNING: mad rantings, jealous ravings, and numerous stalkings. Guaranteed to have you laughing your socks off. BEWARE!

**A/N: Bold parentheses with a number inside indicate** **footnotes which are explained at the bottom.**

**Title: Kyou Kara Maou Very Secret Livejournals**

**The Girls of the Demon Castle**

**(Also entitled as The Fangirls of Sumo-Wrestling)!**

**Celi**

**Post 1: **Am concocting secret plan for future of self. Was not so subtly fired from recent post. Apparently, my "social skills" were far too social for any royalty to have. Personally, think Great One and posse of shrine maidens are all jealous stiffs. Great One angry because he's dead and can't indulge in bodily pleasures and shrine maidens green with envy because even though all very much alive, vows obstruct them from certain thrills of life. Should have thought of that earlier, girls! Tsk, tsk! Anyway, quite happy actually to be relieved of position. Now, can chase, flirt, and engage in raunchy mad love affairs with anyone I please, whenever I please, wherever I please! LIFE IS GOOD! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**Current Mood: **Eager

_**Comments: **Ahem, as true as all above may be, I would refrain from the "wherever" bit at the VERY LEAST, Mother. There are certain things, no children should ever see, right Gwendal?_

_**-Conrad**_

_**Comments:**…………………………………………_

_**-Gwendal**_

_**Comments:**Gwendal?_

_**-Conrad**_

**Reply: **Oh, you'll have to pardon him, Conrart darling. Gwendal's still a bit petrified by that one time when he was 70 and accidentally stumbled upon me and your father proclaiming our love in library. The poor little dear! You should have seen how many different colors he turned! Hahahaha!

**Celi(aka Superior Majesty, aka Ex-Demon Queen)**

* * *

**Post 2: **Discovered that His Majesty, the Demon King we have been waiting for eighteen years, has finally arrived. Almost did not hear news as was intensely going over list of soldiers and guards in palace. Only the hot, hunky, handsome ones though. An Ex-Demon Queen does have her standards. By the time news reached me, Demon King had already been in this world for TWO days and was already in the palace! Am suspecting foul play as had no time to piece together sexy outfit or make already gorgeous bod more beautimous, so had to revert to Birthday Suit Appeal and sneak up on His Highness in bath. His Majesty so very KAWAII with his innocent, naïve act! 

**Current Mood: **In Seductive Scheming Mode

_**Comments: **Um, you might soon find it is not a role, and if you must continue to hit on His Highness, Mother, please do it with your clothes ON. If I have to rescue him, I would appreciate not having to see anything more than necessary._

_**-Conrad**_

**Reply: **Ooh, Are we jealous, Conrart dear? And was so certain you and Yozak had something going.

**-Celi(aka Superior Majesty, Ex-Demon Queen)**

_**Comments: **turning unusual shade of red: Nonsense! What an absurd idea! I liked Julia…I think. Maybe. Am unsure. THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS I AM UNCERTAIN OF, IT'S DOWNRIGHT HARD FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE SOMETIMES! Wait! I know what I need: an audience for one of my Amazing Jokes Of CORN! You'll love this one, Mother-_

_**-Conrad**_

**Reply: **Ah…that's all right, Conrart darling, Mommy loves you no matter what! But I must glorify my already perfected self! See you at dinner, sweetie! XOXOXOXOXOXO

**-Celi(aka Superior Majesty, aka Ex-Demon Queen)**

* * *

**Post 3: **Had first dinner with His Majesty. Made sure I made grand entrance in Super Sexy Seductive Dress. Choice of gown good, because His Highness's eyes bulged out of sockets. First Mission accomplished, so went along with next step of plan: ignore Demon King and make him jealous by flirting with other guys. Had to use sons as they were only guys around at the time, but they're used it, so no bad feelings! Second Mission accomplished shortly thereafter. By the time I got to Wolfy, His Majesty was downright glaring daggers! So, I immediately went along with Third Mission and pretended to finally notice and GLOMP him. Was almost to Third Base before Gunter ruined my whole brilliant plan. Think perhaps he is jealous. I don't blame him, His Highness is very KAWAII. Anyway, dinner going along smoothly, when all of a sudden, Wolfy under influence of Orchid Perfume on His Majesty from bath, insults His Highness's mother and was swiftly bitch-slapped across the face and engaged. Oh dear, His Majesty is now Future-Son-In-Law-To-Be. Wonder if he is up to once-a-year affair? 

**Current Mood: **Somewhat dispirited

_**Comments: **MOTHER! HOW CAN YOU EVEN _THINK _OF CHEATING WITH YOUR OWN SON'S FIANCEE? BESIDES, HE MAY BE KAWAII AND SUPER HOT, BUT HE'S A WIMP THROUGH AND THROUGH! HE NEEDS SOMEONE LIKE ME TO TEACH HIM HOW TO BE A MAN!_

_**-Wolfram(aka the Adonis of Hotness)**_

**Reply: **Really Wolfy-baby, there is no need to shout at your mommy! It was just a suggestion. A simple yes or no would do.

**-Celi(aka Superior Majesty, aka Ex-Demon Queen)**

_**Comments:** Hey, I'm very manly already, thank you very much! And what is with all this talk of being your fiance now? You don't honestly expect me to marry a GUY, do you? And another thing, is that lady really your guys mother? Cuz I'm sensing some hidden details here that are case enough for the Maury Show, ya know what I mean?_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**_

* * *

**Post 4: **Went to match between Wolfy and His Highness. Was slightly envious by Gunter's strange appearance and wondered if had time to go change into different outfit. However, Wolfy quite eager to teach Demon King lesson so had to make do with what I was already wearing. Think perhaps Womanly Charm was working overtime, as his Majesty became quite overpowered by it and began to strip down. Note to self, must learn all there is about "sumo wrestling" so can have all future suitors engage in it. Oh my, the very image makes my head spin! So, to make a long story short, Wolfy defeated three times before finally snapping and trying to roast His Highness alive. Instead almost hit poor defenseless maiden, and His Majesty being the kind, handsome, gentleman he is transformed into Ultimate Demon King Mode With Fetish For Justice In Which He Grows Even More Hot Than Before. Gave Wolfy a firm lecture about attitude adjustment and such. Oh, I do LOVE a lover's quarrel, teehee! 

**Current Mood: **Fanning self about newly discovered love: sumo wrestling

_**Comments: **WHAT IS IT WITH YOU PEOPLE AND YOUR ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE THAT WOLFRAM AND I ARE A COUPLE? FOR THE _LAST TIME, _THE SLAP THING WAS _NOT _A PROPOSAL! _

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**_

**Reply: **OH THAT'S WONDERFUL! Very well, then you will have no such qualm being a couple with me! Tell me, Your Highness, do all men of your world practice sumo wrestling on a daily basis, or is that just a sport for the hot, hunky, handsome ones?

**-Celi(aka Superior Majesty, aka Ex-Demon Queen)**

_**Comments: **MINE! YUURI'S MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! **-Wolfram(aka the Adonis of Hotness)**_

**Reply: **Please do not squawk like a sea gull, Wolfy. That sound isn't very becoming of a demon prince! And I understand perfectly well that His Majesty's yours. Just remember to come to Mama for ANY advice you may need:wink, wink & Mona Lisa Smile which Conrart inherited:

**-Celi(aka Superior Majesty, aka Ex-Demon Queen)**

_**Comments: **wailing to the heavens: WAAAAAAAAAH! I WANNA GO HOOOOOOME!_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**_

* * *

**The Three Maids**

**Post 1: **Are all very, very UBER excited about Demon King's long-awaited arrival. Are all running around like chickens with heads cut off and wondering how new ruler will look/act/&types of affairs he will have. Oh my! Can hardly wait to see him! COME ON, KINGY! US GIRLS NEED SOME MOOLAH! LADY CELI'S LAST FLING TOOK A WHOLE DIFFERENT DIRECTION THAN WE PLANNED! Ahem, we mean…really anxious for him to reach Demon Castle safety for good of country…and our pockets XD!

**Current Mood: **Anticipating

_**Comments: **Girls, girls! Have you heard? His Majesty has just arrived with Lord Weller and Lord vonKrist and I was told by one of the soldiers in their group that Lord Conrart rescued His Highness from Adalbert! And that they SPENT THE NIGHT TOGETHER IN A SAFE-HOUSE! MWEEE X3!_

_**-Doria(aka Maid #1)**_

_**Comments: **OMG! NOW THAT'S PAY-DIRT! I PUT DOWN MY WHOLE MONTHS PAYCHECK ON THEM!_

_**-Lazania(aka Maid #3)**_

_**Comments: **Oh yeah? Don't forget that Lord vonKrist spent the night there too! You never know! And don't forget about Lady Celi's mad infatuation with anything hot and male, and I have it on very good reference that His Majesty is super KAWAII! I'm not putting down everything till I spot some simmering hidden desire!_

_**-Sangria(aka Maid #2)**_

* * *

**Post 2: **LOL! THIS NIGHT WAS THE BEST NIGHT WE HAVE SEEN IN THE DEMON CASTLE IN THE PAST TWENTY YEARS! OK, here's the jiff: Former royal family plus Lord vonKrist having dinner with His Highness, while we serve them and note down any potential body language that can be used as hint towards that person's feelings towards His Majesty. In beginning, Lady Celi used her body language to MAJOR advantage, but Lord vonKrist interrupted. Lord vonVoltaire pretended to not care at all, Lord Weller was trying to hold His Highness's attention with his blatant niceness, but Lord vonBielefield turned out to be Best In Show! After much aggressive flirting which floated right over His Majesty's head, insulted His Highness's mother as final resort. His Majesty at long last seemed to realize affection being lavished upon him, immediately bitch-slapped Lord vonBielefield as fiancee, making us all very happy girls! 

**Current Mood: **X3 X3 X3 X3 X3 X3 X3 X3 X3 X3!

_**Comments: **See I TOLD you not to put all your eggs in one basket before you count them! An ATCUAL engagement! And His Highness and Lord Wolfram make such a KYUTE COUPLE! I stake two-thirds of my money on them!_

_**-Sangria(aka Maid#2)**_

_**Comments: **I TOTALLY agree! All that TENSION between them-it's always for the better! Two-thirds? PUH-LEAZE? Put three-fourths for me. _

_**-Doria(aka Maid #1)**_

_**Comments: **Remember that His Majesty didn't know what he was doing when he bitch-slapped Lord vonBielefield. It doesn't mean he loves or wants to marry him. He seems more closer to Lord Weller. After all, Lord Conrart was his knight in shining armor who rescued him. THAT'S romance for you! I stick with my previous offer._

_**-Lazania(aka Maid#3)**_

* * *

**Post 3: **OMG! EVERY DAY HIS MAJESTY IS AT THE PALACE, LIFE GETS BETTER AND BETTER! Today was the match between His Highness and Lord vonBielefield and even though His Majesty won in the end after his spectacular transformation into Ultimate Demon King Mode With Fetish For Justice with the bonus of sparkling water dragon elements, the highlight of the day was His Highness introducing new sport, "sumo wrestling". If what he said about it is true, than we're going to every match there is of that! Now that's one sport we wouldn't tire of watching: two men wrestle each other for long periods of time! 

**Current Mood: **nosebleeding

_**Comments: **Oh my! I do wish Lord vonBielefield had lasted longer against His Majesty in sumo wrestling! Could you just IMAGINE:fans self:_

_**-Doria(aka Maid #1)**_

_**Comments: **Oooh, don't make me picture that! I'll get cavities! What are you doing conscious anyway? I thought you blacked out from almost getting toasted?_

_**-Sangria(aka Maid #2)**_

_**Comments: **Don't be absurd! That wasn't the cause! I fainted from the sheer sight of Lord vonBielefield and His Highness together! They're HOTNESS REVIVED:drools:_

_**-Doria(aka Maid #3)**_

_**Comments: **In that case, I'm sure you'll both be happy to learn that the two lovebirds left the castle last night on horseback._

_**-Lazania(aka Maid #3)**_

_**Comments: **THEY'RE GOING TO ELOPE! AUUUUUUUUUGH X3 X3 X3! THAT'S ADORABLE!_

_**-Sangria(aka Maid #2)**_

_**Comments: **Nonsense! His Majesty is just leading Lord vonBielefield on so he can follow Lord Conrart! _

_**-Lazania(aka Maid #3)**_

_**Comments: **You just can't handle the facts, can you kid:begins singing song:"They're gettin' married in the mornin'!"_

_**-Doria(aka Maid #1)**_

_**Comments: **joins in:"Ding! Dong! The bells are gonna chiiiiiiiiiiiiiime!"_

_-**Samgria(aka Maid #2)**_

_**Comments: **together: "Pull out the stopper! Let's have a whopper! Just get them to the church on tiiiiiiiiime!"_

_**-Doria & Sangria(aka Maid #1 & Maid #2)**_

_**Comments: **OH SHUT UP, RODGERS AND HAMMERSTEIN!_

_**-Lazania(aka Maid #3)**_

* * *

**Giesela**

**Post 1: **MEHEHEHEHEHEHE! Haha…hehe…hoho! WAHAHAHAHAH! MWAHAHAHAHA! _BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_ What am I doing you say? Why I'm practicing my evil laugh for when I become…THE EVIL GENIUS DOCTOR! _BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_: lighting flashes behind ominously: Yes, that is right! I may look good and sweet and kindly on the outside, but that is just mask hiding the DEVIOUS DEVIL WITHIN! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! No one suspects anything thus far! My disguise is working perfectly! You see, every time I heal or perform surgery on someone…I STEAL THEIR ENERGY! I am storing it all up to one day make A FRANKENSTEIN CREATION **(1)**! _BWAHAHAHAHA! _Why is my sole mission in my life to become THE EVIL GENIUS DOCTOR and to make A FRANKENSTEIN CREATION? Simple. BECAUSE I CAN! THAT IS RIGHT! NO ONE IS GOING TO BOSS ME AROUND OR STEP ON ME ANYMORE! SO, _WATCH OUT_, DEMON KINGDOM! GIESELA'S READY TO KICK SOME BOOTY! Soon, soon, my goal will be complete! Soon! SOON! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!

_BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_

**Current Mood: **Yo, I'm in the middle of my evil, maniacal laugh here! DON'T INTERRUPT ME! Ahem, _BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_

_**Comments: **That's so cool how you did that: act the complete opposite of who you really are. You know, some of your guys rituals are really sneaky and suck:coughbitch-slapthingcough:but others are pretty neat! Hmm, complete opposite of what I am? I have to act ugly and SMART? WAH! THAT'S HAAAAAAAARD! No fair, you guys have the advantage. Oh well, let me at least be of some service and help these wounded people._

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp, aka Thou Naïve One)**_

**Reply: **YAH! GET AWAY FROM THE BODIES! THEY'RE MINE! MY ENERGY! MY FRANKENSTEIN CREATION! MINE:growls and practices EVIL GENIUS DOCTOR CRAZY FACE:

**-Giesela(aka Evil Genius Doctor, aka Supreme Master of the World)**

_**Comments: **Wow, that's AWESOME how you stayed right in character! You GOTTA teach me how do that!_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp, aka Thou Naïve One)**_

* * *

**Anissina**

**Post 1: **Words cannot express the thrilling anticipation and excitement coursing through veins at this very instant! At long last the Demon Kingdom has a ruler again! And even better-HE KNOWS NOTHING OF MY EXPERIMENTS OF DOOM!-er, I mean, _invetions_. FRESH MEAT! AHAHAHA! Before conducting any tests, though, first researched and analyzed prey from afar, as good scientist always does. Noted down several key factors: 1) is uber KAWAII, 2) is UBER naïve, 3)is UBER attracted to Wolfram, 4) sumo-wrestling is UBER HAWT. Ahem, memo to self: scratch four off Highness's list. Is for alternative Experiment Of DOOM! Well, no time to dilly-dally, must get started!

**Current Mood: **Gleeful

_**Comments: **Alright, I admit number one is correct, heck, even number two, but I AM_ NOT _ATTRACTED TO WOLFRAM! WHERE THE HECK DO YOU GET OFF WITH THAT IDEA?_ _AAAAAAAAAAARGH!_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Thou Naïve One)**_

**Reply: **Oh, come now, Your Majesty! I may not have been there at dinner myself, but I have it on very good authority on what happened. Your bitch-slap on Wolfram alone proves that you don't want anyone else touching what is yours, and then that shameless flirting in the courtyard where you two practically consummated your true feelings is the icing on the cake! OOH! I JUST GOT AN IDEA ON A NEW INVENTION! I shall call it "Two-People-Engage-In-Sumo-Wrestling-To-See-How-Deeply-Thier-Feelings-Run-For-Each-Other-Kun"! HAHAHA! AM I BRILLIANT OR WHAT?

**-Anissina**

_**Comments: **OMG! LADY ANISSINA, YOU'VE SOLVED OUR DILEMMA! WE WERE TRYING TO THINK UP WAYS TO SEE MORE SUMO-WRESTLING! YOU'RE OUR HERO!_

_**-The Three Maids**_

_**Comments: **No one listens to me. I'M GONNA END UP HITCHED TO A GUY WITHOUT MY CONSENT WHO PROBABLY'LL TAKE ME TO A LOCATION NEAR ACTIVE ERUPTING VOLCANOES FOR OUR HONEYMOON AND NO ONE CARES:flees off-screen wailing about cruel fates of life(T-T): _

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine)**_

**Reply: **I KNOW JUST WHO OUR FIRST VICTIMS-er, couple-SHOULD BE! Yoo-hoo! Oh, Gwendal! Gunter! Come here, boys!

**-Anissina**

* * *

**Ulrike**

**Post 1: **Finally met His Majesty after countless years of waiting. Was LAST even though was one who technically made him who he is today! Is not His Highness's fault though. Some people are just selfish, obsessed, and perverted:coughLordvonKristcough. Anyway, oh my! Almost fainted by outright KAWAII-ness of His Majesty! Was in awe of his courageous and noble spirit and desired to be near His Highness more in the future. As vows restrict me from leaving temple, enacted immediate plan to pillage objects from His Majesty to make into shrine. In PRIVATE. Do not want people to think am some kind of shrunken freak. First put on innocent star-struck act to hold His Highness's hand and gathered sweat into vial while no one was the wiser. Also snipped piece of His Majesty's shirt before Little Lord Brat hauled him off by ear. Then set deal with the three maids to bring me left over chicken leg from His Highness's plate. Told them for reward, sneak into His Highness's room tonight to see fangirl's dream. Goldilocks really shouldn't think out loud SO LOUD! Pink nighty, HA! Almost wish hadn't taken vows just so could see His Majesty's reaction. Oh well, have enough to do worshipping objects of His Highness in shrine!

**Current Mood: **Cackling in midgety delight

_**Comments: **HOW DARE YOU BEGUILE HIS MAJESTY IN SUCH A DECEITFULLY DWARVISH WAY! I SHALL REPORT YOUR THUMBELINA _**(2) **_THEIVINGS TO HIM RIGHT AWAY!_

_**-Gunter**_

**Reply: **Try it, Legolas **(3) **, I dare you. Not only will I tell His Highness about YOUR shrine with your measly TOWEL, but I will then destroy ALL objects of His Majesty and make you watch. Say bye-bye chicken leg!

**-Ulrike**

_**Comments: **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DON'T HURT THE PRECIOUSSS! THE PRECIOUSSS IS PRECIOUS! CURSE YOUSE, CRUEL TRICKSY HOBBITESS!_

_**-Gunter**_

_**Comments: **Huury everyone! Gwendal is down in the courtyard in his usual act of terrifying new recruits with his Intense Silence and Grumpy Glare, and I have found Gunter now! TAKE YOUR SEATS! Operation "_ _Two-People-Engage-In-Sumo-Wrestling-To-See-How-Deeply-Thier-Feelings-Run-For-Each-Other-Kun"_ _is about to begin! _

_**-Anissina**_

_**Comments: **OMG! AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH! GET THE POPCORN AND BETS READY GIRLS!_

_**-The Three Maids**_

_**Comments: **OH, WAIT, WAIT FOR ME! Sorry, Raven-sweetie, as astonishing as this may sound, sumo-wrestling is first WAY over love. But meet me in the library tomorrow. Do not fear about discovery-everyone knows by now not to go in there anymore, teehee!_

_**-Celi(aka Superior Majesty, aka Ex-Demon Queen)**_

_**Comments: **MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH THE POWER! THE BODIES! SUMO-WRESTLING WILL FEED MY FRANKENSTEIN CREATION WITH ENERGY! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! _I _WILL_ BE EVIL, DAMN IT! FEAR ME! FEAR ME NOW!

_**-Giesela(aka Evil Genius Doctor)**_

_**Comments: **stares at all past entries: I think I should have just let Wolfram slice and toast me…_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**_

* * *

**A/N: Yah, it's been a month again. I think this time it was mostly laziness on my part. Haha! Ahem. Right, so hope you enjoyed this overdue chappie. I liked doing Giesela the best. I decided to take her a whole different direction than what we're all used too. Too bad she's not really like this XD! Ah, the joys of sumo-wrestling! So, next up is Yuuri, so fangirls/stalkers: REVIEW AND COMMENT! Tell him what you want to say! And tell me fav parts in this chappie, thanx!**

**(1) By mentioning Frankenstein, I am referring to the monster created in the novel, Frankenstein, written and owned by Mary Shelley.  
**

**(2) By mentioning Thumbelina, I am referring to the character in the Danish story written and owned by Hans Christian Anderson.**

**(3) Mentionings of Lord of the Rings and characters associated within that universe are owned by JR Tolkien.  
**


	6. Yuuri

**Disclaimer: **I do not own **Kyou Kara Maou, **Tomo Takabayashi does.

**Summary: **Livejournals which expose Kyou Kara Maou characters' deepest secrets, personalities, and desires. WARNING: mad rantings, jealous ravings, and numerous stalkings. Guaranteed to have you laughing your socks off. BEWARE!

**A/N: Bold parentheses with a number inside indicate a footnote which is explained at the bottom.**

**Title: Kyou Kara Maou Very Secret Livejournals**

**Yuuri**

**Post 1: **Another awful, horrible, miserable, terrible, day in the life of Yuuri Shibuya. Bicycled past baseball field today to torture self with memory of what will never have again. Ran into group of hulking three stooges who were picking on old classmate Myrtle or something. Was swayed by Foolish Hero Complex to step in and engage in feeble rescue attempt. Hoped Three Stooges **(1) **would knock me unconscious to find surcease of my sorrows for even the smallest amount of time. No such luck. Merely got donned a swirly instead. My life sucks.

**Current Mood: **"No-one-likes-me-everybody-hates-me-might-as-well-eat-some-worms"

_**Comments: **screams: AGSAREAFVMOPUPJKLKJJXXGGXHFGSGHSTCHEL!_

_**-Random Village Girl**_

**Reply: **I even frighten girls…I AM CURSED! (TT)!

**-Yuuri(aka Urine)**

* * *

**Post 2: **So somehow, I am in the Alps now, yeah. And the people here hate me as much as everyone else back home. This macho football type/pro-wrestler guy tried to squeeze lemon juice out of my head. So not cool (and very painful too). Anyway, guy on brown horse with cavalry drove him off with the most horrendous knock-knock have ever heard. Oh…and there's this lavender-haired guy/girl here too. 

**Current Mood: **Wondering if he's also an impersonator of Legolas **(2)**.

**_Comments:_** _OH, YOUR MAJESTY! IT'S REALLY YOU! AFTER ALL THIS TIME WAITING, AT LAST YOU ARE HERE! I MUST GLOMP YOU! GO-GO, GUNTER'S FLYING TACKLE!_

_**-Gunter (aka Rabid Fangirl In Disguise)**_

**Reply: **What the hey-! Is he trying to strangle me with the pretense of liking me? WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU PEOPLE ANYWAY? And what the heck's this whole "Your Majesty" gig? You talking to me? What am I suddenly royalty now?

**-Yuuri (aka Urine, aka Thou Naïve One)**

_**Comments: **beams Mona Lisa Smile: But of course, Your Highness! CONGRATULATIONS! You have won the Great Demon Kingdom, it's castle, people, and all the land! YUURI SHIBUYA, COME ON DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWN!_

_**-Conrad**_

**Reply: (**O.O);;.……………..eh?

**-Yuuri(aka Urine, aka Thou Naïve One)**

_**Comments: **coughs: Ahem. So sorry about that. It was from a game show I saw in America. I always wanted to try that out. Anyway, ONWARD MEN! HEIGH-HO! HEIGH-HO! IT'S OFF TO THE DEMON CASTLE WE GO! LALALALA!_

**_-Conrad(aka_** **_Lord Weller, aka Conrart, aka Konrad, aka King of Comedy)_**

* * *

**Post 3: **So, had talk with wannabe comedian and apparently I am the new king of this land, which is _not_ the Swiss Alps, and a Demon King at that to boot. Immediately tried getting into new role by acting as demonish as possible. Hunched back, narrowed eyes and leered scoffingly at cavalry guards. Did work out as well as planned. Cavalry men merely smiled broadly, waved, and rode on. Also, had unfortunate luck at trying my impression of an evil maniacal laugh just as Conrad (the Corny Comedian) finished spewing one of his infinite atrocious jokes. Inspired him to test out more of his putrid sense of humor for next five hours. Was forced to pretend I liked them as payment of guy saving my life, while secretly tried thinking up ways to kill self for release of torture. 

So anyway, we finally reach my so-called new kingdom, where it was made know that horses don't like me either, as one gave me wild joy ride all the way to the castle, where I was thrown off quite forcefully.

Hmmm, numerous attempts to kill me all in less than 24 hours…

OMG! I'VE FIGURED IT OUT! I'M NOT THIS ALTERNATE UNIVERSE/PARALLEL WORLD'S DEMON KING AFTER ALL! IT'S REALLY THAT COUNT DRACULA **(3) **TYPE DUDE OVER THERE WITH THE LONG, SILKEN PONYTAIL! I'M THEIR YEARLY SACRIFICE OR SOMETHING!

**Current Mood:** Going out of head: NOOOOOOOOOO! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!

_**Comments: **making Grand Entrace down steps: HE'S the new Demon King? Looks more like a Wimp to me!: tosses GORGEOUS, shining flaxen hair and narrows STUNNING, shimmering emerald eyes as light illuminates profile and heavenly chorus sings:_

_**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)**_

**Reply: (**O.O)! OMG! THE FALL FROM THE HORSE MUST HAVE BEEN HARDER THAN I THOUGHT! I'M ALREADY DEAD! I SEE AN ANGEL!

**-Yuuri(aka Urine, aka Thou Naïve One)**

* * *

**Post 4: **Am utterly, utterly humiliated. Made complete fool of self (more than usual). Apparently I really am Demon King and am most certainly not dead. Angel really Conrad's and Count Dracula's little brother. All right, thought after everything that has happened, nothing else could possibly get worse. WRONG! Not only get assaulted in bath, but was officially engaged at dinner without consent. OK, here's the jiff: Angel-er, Wolfram-insulted mother. Retaliated with swift punch to face. Somehow, with these people's ancient funky traditions, asked him to marry me. Not only that, but because of An-_Wolfram's_ little hissy fit with the silverware, picked up knife and instigated duel between us. That's it end of story. 

**Current Mood: **Traumatized

_**Comments: **Oh, come on, Yuuri-kun! It's useless to hide the truth. We all know the real facts. It was not a punch, it was a most definite bitch-slap. You liked Wolfram from the first moment you saw him: in taunting sing-song voice: Oh, angel! My angel! Tru Luv! X3! _

_**-Maeyu (aka Ninja Stalker)**_

**Reply: **THAT'S NOT IT! IT WAS A PUNCH, GOT THAT? A FREAKING PUNCH! AND I WAS DELIRIOUS WHEN I SAW WOLFRAM! THAT'S ALL!

**-Yuuri (aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Thou Naïve One)**

_**Comments: **Delirious with LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUV! XD! And it was a slap! A bitch-slap! A B-I-T-C-H-S-L-A-P! WOOT! That's the way to go! Staking your claim before anyone else can get to it! _

_**-Maeyu (aka Ninja Stalker)**_

**Reply: **YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WHO ARE YOU ANYWAY? HOW DID YOU GET ON THIS BLOG?

**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Thou Naïve One)**

_**Comments: **cackles evily and logs off:_

_**-Maeyu (aka Ninja Stalker)**_

**Reply: **sweatdrop: Why…do I have the feeling this will happen again? (TT):sweatdrop:

**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Thou Naïve One)**

* * *

**Post 5: **All right, so today was the big showdown between me and Ang-gah,Wolfram! Ahem. Since had no experience with swords, decided to put brains to use and thought up full-proof plan on how to bring up weak fallen image of self in everyone's eyes. Conducted sumo ring and made preparations by taking off shirt. Wolfram declared couldn't do the same as it would cause a massive outbreak of fainting and nose-bleeding in people of either gender all over kingdom. Did not pursue matter because Conrad and Gunter in cheerleading outfit were restraining Count Dracula on sidelines, who was shouting something about daring to ATTEMPT. No idea, either 

Anyway, beat Ange-_WOLFRAM_, DAMMIT!-twice but apparently he is very sore loser and tried to flambé me as last resort. Accidentally hit fangirl instead, and this is where everything gets a little fuzzy. Cannot remember anything that happened, but Conrad tells me I transformed into Ultimate Demon King Mode With Fetish For Justice and totally kicked blondie's butt. Awesome! Now maybe he'll shut up and leave me alone.

**Current Mood: **Accomplished!

_**Comments: **inserts evil laughter here:MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_

_**-Anonymous**_

**Reply: **Um…OK…what the heck was that? (o.O):blink, blink: Are you that stalker person from earlier or maybe that "Almighty Author" everyone was warning me about?

**-Yuuri (aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Thou Naïve One)**

_**Comments: **No, I am none of those things, gullible Yuuri-kun. I am much, much more. I am in fact the real reason you won today's duel, so do not go getting an over-swelled ego. You are nothing without me._

_**-Anonymous**_

**Reply: **Eh? What are you talking about? I won the match not you! Unless…OMG! (O.O)! ARE YOU THE DEMON KING? Aren't I you? Aren't you me? HOW CAN I BE REPLYING TO MYSELF? (X-X)! IT'S JUST NOT LOGICAL!

**-Yuuri (aka Demon King-I think, aka Urine, aka Thou Naïve One)**

_**Comments: **Well, you see, as I am the absolute epitome of power and awesomeness that all things seek to magnify, the laws of nature do not apply to me. Understand?_

**_-The Maou(aka the Real Demon King, aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)_**

**Reply: **………………………………………………..(o.O)?

**-Yuuri (aka Demon King-Very Unsure Now, aka Urine, aka Thou Naïve One)**

_**Comments: **sighs: This is the embarrassment I must endure by being stuck inside an incompetent lesser being than myself. Oh the tragedy of it all!_

**_-The Maou(aka the Real Demon King, aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)_**

**Reply: **HEY! WATCH WHO YOU'RE TRASH-TALKING! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU'RE SO GREAT ANYWAY, JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE LONGER MORE COOL A HAIR-STYLE THAN I DO, OR BECAUSE YOUR VOICE IS MUCH MORE MANLY THAN MINE, OR BECAUSE YOU CAN MAKE THOSE WICKED AWESOME WATER DRAGONS APPEAR, AND CRUD, _YOU ARE GREATER THAN I AM!_ WAAAAAAAAH! IT'S NOT FAIR! (T-T)!

**-Yuuri(aka the Demon King-the Uncool One, aka Urine, aka Definitely Wimp)**

_**Comments: **smirks superiorly: Oh, by the way, next time you see Angel, tell him I would love find out if his honey-colored hair tastes as sweet as it looks. WAHAHAHAHAHAHA:logs out:_

**_-The Maou(aka the Real Demon King, aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)_**

**Reply: **JUST YOU WAIT! I'LL BEST YOU YET, YOU EGOSTICAL SNOB! YOU'RE GREAT BIG JERK! I HATE YOU! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! _HATE! _Wait…we're the same person. WAH! I JUST INSULTED MYSELF! _AND IT REALLY HURT!_ (T-T)!

**-Yuuria(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp, aka Thou Naïve One)**

* * *

**Post 6: **Alright, have rested for short while and thought over recent episode of me replying to myself and have decided am slowly insane. Will try to cure self by forgetting odd incident and never thinking about it again. To put goal in action, went along A-A-A-_Wolfram's _to go after Conrad and Count Dracula who had mysteriously disappeared for some reason. Got detoured along way by Macho Football Guy who proceeded to try to squeeze lemon juice out of my head again, only this time with his sword. Luckily was rescued by Conrad who once again drove Macho Football Guy off with another one of his Amazing Jokes of CORN! Think it went something like this: "What is round and really violent? A viscous circle!" 

Yah. I know. It was so horrible, it made Macho Football Guy nearly fall off his horse. Anyway, turns out Corny Comedian-ah, Conrad, ahem-and Count Dracula were trying to stop some arsonists from receiving their insurance money and to stop riot that broke out when people realized their scam hadn't worked. Violent mob tried to hold me as hostage, but was rescued yet again, this time by Count Dracula, whereupon spent several uncomfortable moments in his arms as was sure he was eyeing my neck as snack-time. After next few minutes or so of having Ang-dang it, you know who I'm talking about!-throttle my neck and go off on his usual "cheater" rant, memories once again seem to be missing large chunk, as next thing I remember is being on a cruise ship.

Weird.

**Current Mood: **singing: I'm on a vacation! I'm on a vacation! Lalalalalalalalala! Happy!

_**Comments: **Sadly, Inferior and Less Intelligent Alter Ego of Mine, you are on a mission to locate the Legendary Demon Sword and also, the reason you are drawing a blank in your memories is because I made my breathtaking entrance yet again and made good on my curiosity to find out how Angel's hair really tastes. HOO-HA! MWAHAHAHA!_

**_-The Maou(aka the Real Demon King, aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)_**

**Reply: **YOU'RE LYING! THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE! ANG-gah, WOLFRAM-WOULD NEVER LET ME FORGET SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND YOU'RE JUST A JUST A FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION! BEGONE!

**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**

_**Comments: **You'll soon realize the truth and that I am real, and who's the one who can't get a certain babe-a-licious blonde's name right, eh?_

**_-The Maou(aka the Real Demon King, aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)_**

**Reply: **CURSE IT ALL, I'M NEVER GONNA GET HIS FREAKING NAME RIGHT, SO I'M JUST GONNA CALL HIM ANGEL, AND IT'S NOT 'CAUSE I HAVE THOSE KIND OF FEELINGS FOR HIM, IT'S BECAUSE I HAVE TO MUCH ON MY PLATE ALREADY TO DEAL WITH THEN TO MEMORIZE PEOPLE'S NAMES, KAY? NOW I COMMAND YOU TO DISAPPEAR, DISEMBODIED VOICE IN MY HEAD!

**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Person Who Is NOT Attracted To Angel)**

* * *

**Post 7: **Kay, so goal of trying to forget insanity episodes not going that well, but I am determined! I WILL TRIUMPH! Anyway, on cruise ship with Conrad and Angel who snuck on with us. Met Mr. Baldy, a Calvacade man and danced with his small daughter in ballroom where party was going on. Got hit on by several girls, including one who SEVERELY needs to cut down on the weight lifting. Was attacked by Angel upon returning to room, where was accused of being an "insensitive flirt". Fortunately life saved by pirates invading ship. 

Wait…

Aw, CRUD!

**Current Mood: **I'M FREAKING PISSED! FIRST THAT EGOTISTICAL ILLUSION THAT LIVES IN MY MIND, AND NOW THESE CROSS-DRESSING PIRATES? MY VACATION IS RUINED!

_**Comments: **Mwahahahaha! Yuuri you're such a cuttee! I like totally dig you and your complete naiveness! Hahahaha come to me when you dump Wolfram so that he will fell to the author hahahahaha! _

**-Kawaiiemina(aka Yuuri's no. 1 fan)**

_**Comments: **YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-CHAN! U R SO ADORABLE! I SHALL NAME YOU SQUISHIE, AND YOU SHALL BE MINE! X3!_

_**-Kattea**_

**Reply: **Eh? Who are you guys? Wait! Are you with that ninja stalker person who was on here earlier? I'm confused. Am I actually considered hot now? How'd that happen?

**-Yuuri (aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp, aka Stud-Muffin? o.O)**

_**Comments: **Buddah, damn it boy! You are so kawaii:sigh: I would like totally stalk/kidnap/molest/lust over you if my heart weren't already bound to Lord Weller! I SHALL NOT BE UNFAITHFUL! I LOVE YOU C-RAD!! And Gwen-sama…and Wolfy-poo…HECK I LOVE YOU ALL! WAIT FOR ME! I'M GONNA CATCH YOU WITH MY UBER LARGE BUTTERFLY NET! BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_

_**-ChizzmuffinChik**_

**Reply: **Um…are all of you alright…in the head? You guys are kinda freaking me out:nervouslaughter:

**-Yuuri (aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**

* * *

**Post 8: **After scary run-in with stalkers, hid in closet with Angel on Conrad's orders. Was not worried because thought for sure he'd drive all transvesters off with putrid jokes. However, heard pirated and entered room and realized something had gone on. Pretended to be cat, however people here failed to tell me that some sort of dragon makes the same noise. Only landed us in worse trouble and revealed our presence. Was hauled up on deck and discovered Conrad been defeated in battle by pirates who apparently told even WORSE jokes than him. Is too terrible a thing to even imagine. Hope will never hear one from them. 

Anyway, saw cross-dressing pirates picking on Mr. Baldy's daughter and mind did spazzy blank thing again. When I woke up, head was Cimaron jail ship with head in Angel's lap. Luckily, woman who SEVERELY needs to cut down on weight-lifting showed up and broke us out. Turned out she was a dude in disguise. Don't know whether to be relieved or appalled. Now en route in rowboat to some remote island.

**Current Mood: **Exhausted and wondering why I reek of garbage

**_Comments:_** _I can explain that. You see, while you, my Inferior and Less Intelligent Alter Ego of Mine, were unconscious, I did my usual transformation into Ultimate Demon King Mode With Fetish For Justice. Coincidentally, this time I created my first Godzilla Creature of Justice, made out of garbage of course, that totally kicked every pirates' booty. Haha! Get it? Pirate! Booty! Haha!_

**_-The Maou(aka the Real Demon King, aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)_**

**Reply: **sweatdrop: I don't believe it. Conrad's Amazing Jokes of CORN! are contagious…OMG! I MIGHT SPEW ONE OUT OF MY MOUTH IN THE NEXT SECOND! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp, aka Thou Naïve One)**

_**Comments: **You may be far less intelligent than I, but you amuse me greatly. HAHA! I LAUGH at your dumbness. WAHAHAHAHA!_

_**-The Maou(aka the Real Demon King, aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)** _

_**Comments: **OMG! ARE YOU THE MAOU? X3! X3! I saw your post earlier and couldn't believe it! I am a HUGE fan of you and your other form! I just wanna say, you and your fetish with justice is HAWT! I lurve you so much!_

_**-Shadow Kitsune67**_

_**Comments: **Why thank you, Miss Stalker: beams Super Sexy Smile: I AM quite the walking meal-ticket aren't I? And to think, it's all natural!:runs fingers slowly through hair and tosses head backwards:_

_**-The Maou(aka the Real Demon King, aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)** _

_**Comments: **AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH:screams and nose-bleeds:_

_**-Shadow Kitsune67**_

_**Comments: **Any more lovely ladies in dire need to speak with me?_

_**-The Maou(aka the Real Demon King, aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)** _

_**Comments: **OMG! ME! ME! PICK MEEEEEEEEE! I LURVE your Fetish For Justice even if your speeches get kind of lengthy and annoying! In the end, it doesn't matter, as your smexiness conquers all! If I say I have a sob story in need of your Fetish For Justice, will you stay with me forever?_

_**-Akkiko**_

_**Comments: **I thank you for your kind words and generous offer, my lady, but my heart has been captured by one spoiled, arrogant brat already. However, I could manage a brief fiasco if that is alright._

_**-The Maou(aka the Real Demon King, aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)** _

_**Comments: **I AM SO THERE, IT'S UNREAL! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_

_**-Akkiko**_

_**Comments: **HEY! HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME?_

_**-Shadow Kitsune67**_

_**Comments: **BACK OFF, WENCH! HE'S MINE!_

_**-Akkiko**_

_**Comments: **MAKE ME, GRANDMA!_

_**-Shadow Kitsune67**_

_**Comments: **Ladies! Ladies! Please! There's enough of this droolicious manly bod to go around!_

_**-The Maou(aka the Real Demon King, aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)** _

**Reply: **Man, you are SO FULL OF YOURSELF IT'S DISGUSTING!

**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**

_**Comments: **What's the matter? Jealous, because I am way out of league in coolness and hotness, and actually have the guts to make moves on Angel-Baby?_

_**-The Maou(aka the Real Demon King, aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)** _

**Reply: **HA! As if I WANTED to be like you! And you couldn't win Angel over to you even if you tried!

**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**

_**Comments: **Ooh, is that a dare? Very well, I accept your challenge! May the best and UBER HUNKACIOUS half-demon win first! Oh, and as that is me, this conversation is pointless. Fare thee well, Inferior and Less Intelligent Alter Ego of Mine, thy quest is in vain:logs out:_

_**-The Maou(aka the Real Demon King, aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)** _

**Reply: **What? HEY, WAIT! I WASN'T OFFERING A COMPETITION! GET YOUR HIGH AND MIGHTY BUTT BACK HERE!

**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**

* * *

**Post 9: **Am slightly scared as result of last post. Am wondering Figment of My Imagination is planning. Have decided to keep eye out on Angel just in case. Not because am engaging challenge. Am just concerned because Angel too tired and worn out after long hours rowing boat to be fully alert. Left Angel to recuperate at inn and went off with Conrad and the Woman Who Turned Out To Be A Man Whose Name is Yozak. Figured Angel would be safe at inn from Figment of Imagination's advances because he lives in my mind. Anyway, went to cursed lake inside haunted cave to find Legendary Demon Sword…I'm sensing a pattern here, aren't you? Cursed lake's water burned anyone else except me, so I was lucky one who had to strip and retrieve it. Well, tried to anyways, but…there's something else down there! It bit me! I might have rabies or something! IT'S ALIVE! ALIVE, I TELL YOU! 

Needless to say, returned to inn without so-called "sword". Evening did not go any better as Angel brought up subject of engagement. Thought it would be safer to call whole thing off to show Figment of Imagination was not interested in Angel, and therefore challenge null and void. Angel did not understand and locked self in closet. Honestly, that guy is such a drama queen!

**Current Mood: **Frustrated

**_Comments:_** _Yuuri, I know that it is taboo for men to be with other men on Earth and that it's strange for someone to get engage by slapping someone else, but you have to face the facts! It's your job as Demon King to take responsibility for your actions - an action such as engaging that bishounen Wolfram. Now here is the question: are you going to fail your country by not being responsible for that engagement or are you going to show everyone that you stick by your actions like a true king?_

_**-Yoko Jaganshi**_

_**Comments: **I agree with that! You engaged Wolfram on first sight and bested him in three battles proving your mighty love for him and NOW your playing hard-to-get? How can you do such a thing to the wonderful Adonis of Hotty Hot Hotness? He's a thousand times better looking than you and can have anybody he wants including anyone of his fan-boy soldiers, but of all people he chooses you! How can you tear his little glass heart into millions of shreds like that? (T-T) I WON'T FORGIVE YOU, IF YOU HURT THE ADONIS OF HOTTY HOT HOTNESS!_

_**-Ronin-N-Gang**_

**Reply: **HEY! WHAT ABOUT MY FEELINGS? HOW COME EVERYONE ALWAYS TAKES ANGEL'S SIDE? DANG IT! I bet he put on some sorry sob act and you people bought just because he can look like a beautiful damsel in distress! WAIT, I DIDN'T SAY THAT!

**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp, aka Thou Naïve One)**

* * *

**Post 10: **Kay, had to take a breather after being bashed about slighting Little Lord Brat/Angel. Passed by Conrad and Yozak's door and overheard them making fun of me. Feel betrayed. Thought Conrad was on my side. Anger makes one braver, as would never had gone off by self to cursed lake in haunted cave and retrieved Legendary (aka Psycho) Demon Sword, under other conditions. Anyway, as human souls only thing that gave power to sword, whose name found out was Morgif, went to island's hospital and attempted to help off some poor geezer who was already close to kicking the bucket. Weird thing was, people kept mysteriously recovering and then spontaneously proposing to Angel. Anyway, got entered in this gladiator contest where Morgif (aka Psycho Demon Sword) went…well psycho! Had to escape to Angel and Conrad's mother's boat, where was hit on by her yet again. Had nice, calming walk down beach at night with Conrad to work out past day's tension. Didn't work as Angel popped out of sand dune and started screaming something about "conniving, older aniues taking advantage of their younger, more good-looking aniues' fiancés". 

If that not bad enough, Angel has nerve to sneak into own bed after we arrive back at castle! Am glad was summoned back to real world. Can not deal alternate universe's chaotic madness.

**Current Mood: **Exhausted

**_Comments: _**_Yuuri, I have a couple of questions I just have to know! Tell me, if you absolutely HAD to get hitched, who would you choose? I know you're engaged to Wolfram, but you have Julia's soul, so how about Conrad? Oh, I must know, just HOW DO YOU get so much more HOTTER in Ultimate Demon King Mode With Fetish For Justice Mode? PLEASE RESPOND! I LOVE YOU!_

_**-Amara Keket**_

**Reply: **Well, FINALLY, someone who's on MY SIDE! Geez, I don't know. I don't really want to get married. I'm only fifteen for crying out loud. Conrad is my godfather, so it's not like he likes me in THAT way, right:crickets chirp:…Ok. And I don't know how I get Hotter in Ultimate Demon King Mode With Fetish For Justice, as I don't remember doing that and it's not really me. You'll have to ask the Egotistical Figment of My Imagination to help you out there. And Angel? Heck, I'm just gonna pretend the whole engagement thing didn't happen until he grows tired of being ignored.

**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp, aka Thou Naïve One)**

_**Comments: **WAH! You don't deserve him anyway, uncaring fiend! So UNCUTE! You can't have our commander! THE ADONIS OF HOTNESS is OURS! C'mon, boys, chant it: DUMP THE WIMP! DUMP THE WIMP! DUMP THE WIMP! _

**-Bielenfeld Cavalry (aka Adonis Chorus Line, aka Boys in Spurs**)

**Reply: **…………………………………………(o.O). Yah, I'm…not gonna dignify that with a response:logs out:

**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp, aka Thou Naïve One)**

* * *

**Post 11: **sigh:Summoned back to freaky world again. Landed in Shrine of the Great One, where met Ulrike, head shrine-maiden in charge of summoning me from world to world. Think she has developed a hero-worship crush as kept clinging to my hand for the longest time. Was pulled away by ear by Angel who accused me cheating. So what else is new? Well, apparently Angel's FRILLY PINK SEE-THROUGH NIGHTGOWN HE INSISTS ON WEARING TO _MY BED!_ GAH! ZOMG! ZOMG! ZOMG!: runs around in crazy circles until trips over stool: 

**Current Mood: **Nosebleeding, but I swear it's from falling!

**_Comments: _**_Yuuri, I so looove you! You are SO KAWAI!! Please marry me so we can have at least 12 children! XD! Oh and can you give me that baseball glove of yours? XD!_

_**-NansCola**_

_**Comments: **WHAT'S THIS? MORE SHAMELESS PHILANDERING? YUURI, HAVE YOU NO SENSE OF HONOR OR DUTY TOWARDS YOUR BETROTHED? FIRST THAT PINK MIDGET IN THE BALLROOM AND NOW YOU'RE DOING AN ONLINE DATING SERVICE? THAT'S IT! I WILL NOT STAND FOR YOUR CHEATING ON ME ANYMORE! PREPARE TO DIE!_

_**-Wolfram(aka the Uber Hawt, Uber Ticked Adonis of Hotness)**_

**Reply: **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I SWEAR, IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!

**-Yuuri (aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**

_**Comments: **GOLDILOCKS, YUURI IS MINE AND YOU SOO WON'T HAVE HIM! I WILL POUR A BUCKET OF WATER OVER YOU SO YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO USE YOUR FIRE ELEMENT! HAHAHA! AND YUURI IS THE NEW ADONIS OF HOTNESS, LOSER! _

_**-NansCola**_

**_Comments:_** _WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? COME AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE, YOU SKANKY HOME-WRECKER! _

_**-Wolfram(aka the Uber Hawt, Uber Ticked Adonis of Hotness)**_

_**Comments: **ANYTIME, ANYPLACE, BARBIE-BOY!_

_**-NansCola**_

_**Comments: **BRING IT ON, BEE-YOCHT!_

_**-Wolfram(aka the Uber Hawt, Uber Ticked Adonis of Hotness)**_

**Reply: **to screen: Anyone? HELP!: (T-T)!

**-Yuuri (aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**

* * *

**A/N: SO SORRY it's been like MONTHS since the last update. So, that's Yuuri and I could end this fic here, but I won't. Gunter's next again. If you wanna leave a fangirl comment do so. Also, PLEASE tell me your FAV PARTS in this chappie. I like to know what made you laugh! Thanx! **

**(1)By mentioning the Three Stooges, I am referring to the American comedy act in the early 20th century owned by MGM studios and all other respective owners.  
**

**(2)Mentionings of Lord of the Rings and characters associated within that universe are owned by JR Tolkien.  
**

**(3)By mentioning Count Dracula, I am referring to the character created by Bram Stoker in his novel, Dracula.  
**


	7. Gunter

**Disclaimer: **I do not own **Kyou Kara Maou, **Tomo Takabayashi does.

**Summary: **Livejournals which expose Kyou Kara Maou characters' deepest secrets, personalities, and desires. WARNING: mad rantings, jealous ravings, and numerous stalkings. Guaranteed to have you laughing your socks off. BEWARE!

**A/N: Bold parentheses with a number inside indicate a footnote explained at bottom.**

**Title: Kyou Kara Maou Very Secret Livejournals**

**Gunter**

**Post 10: **OH SUCH BAD OMENS! BAD! BAD! BAD, I TELL YOU! It turns out His Royal Cuteness was abducted while on his quest to find Gem of the Dragon King due to his Foolish Hero Complex. Not only that, but kidnapper is none other than Farty Fatty Stoffel and his older, more alluring minion, Crowfeet-ah, I mean Raven. Anyway, made war preparations with Gwennie, however civil conflict solved when His Majesty cunningly escaped Farty Fatty's clutches, transformed into Ultimate Demon King Mode With Fetish For Justice and saved the day once again! Yayness and flutter-happies to everyone! His Highness is so clever!

**Current Mood: **Fangirlish

_**Comments: **__Oh, let's not give the kid all the credit now. Half of it goes to me and that that nifty little maid outfit I lent him: winks and waits:_

_**-Yozak **_

**Reply: **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! ARE YOU TELLING ME HIS ROYAL CUTENESS WAS DRESSED IN A _MAID'S COSTUME_ AND I _MISSED IT_? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THIS CAN'T BEEEEEEEEEE!

**-Gunter**

_**Comments: **__Well, I would say sorry for you, but you and VonVoltaire were all involved with your Hostile Takeover Strategy, so it's really your fault. But you can ask Captain or Goldilocks if they know what the kid did with it. Personally, I think they may have had a secret duel over who got to keep them in the end, hehe._

_**-Yozak**_

**Reply: **AAAAH! _LORD STALKER_ AND _LITTLE LORD BRAT_ GOT TO SEE HIS ROYAL CUTENESS IN THAT OUTFIT, AND I DIDN'T? WHY DO THE GODS HATE ME SO? WAAAAAAAAAAH!

**-Gunter  
**

* * *

**Post 11: **Summoned His Majesty back to our world once more, as he had been sent back to his other world because of Goldilocks most ungraciously pushing him into fountain. There have been rumors of sightings of a person claiming to be His Majesty in Sevelara floating around. All were worried he had been summoned back by someone else. Fortunately it turns out we had no cause to fear. His Royal Cuteness successfully summoned into ocean where it was discovered he is terrified by sharks. How very odd. Anway, shared with him details of how Demon Flute had gone missing, not specifying that Gwennie's cousin had been sent to find it, so there was really no need for His Highness to go off on quest to locate it. However, once again, Foolish Hero Complex has overwhelmed his senses! Quite unfortunate I couldn't go on journey with him, however, I MUST attend to His Majesty's wet clothes. They'll need to be washed immediately! Of course, there's so much laundry being done here, it's inevitable that someone's clothes will end up missing one day… 

TO HIS MAJESTY'S SHRINE! MWAHA!

**Current Mood: **Elated

_**Comments: **__Eh! You can't have his majesty! Yuri Shibuya is mine, all mine... And Wolfy-kins too! X3 I want to keep them on my own personal island which has a big ole' inviting waterfall and hot springs by the dozen! Ooh, and I'm taking away His Royal Cuteness's clothes for my Temples of Yuuri! Hah, see if your puny shrine can beat my awesome temple! Na! Nah!:blows raspberry:_

_**-Diamant Du Feu**_

**Reply: **AH! YOU CAN'T TAKE AWAY HIS ROYAL CUTENESS'S CLOTHES! I HAD THEM FIRST! YOU'RE NOT EVEN A LEGITIMATE CHARACTER IN THIS SERIES! HOW DARE YOU INTERFERE WITH THE PLOTLINE! YOU COULD END UP MESSING UP THE WHOLE STORY! SO, STOP IT! YOU'RE PLAYING A VERY DANGEROUS GAME HERE!

**-Gunter  
**

* * *

**Post 12: **WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! LIFE IS UNFAIR! Not only had some stalker attempt to steal His Royal Cuteness's clothes, but also Superior Majesty Celi who actually succeeded! THAT VORACIOUS BLOND BINT! Situation becomes worse. After the Creature Who Spawned Little Lord Brat selfishly stole His Highness's clothes, she had gull to insult them! They do not reek of fish! They smell of His Royal Cuteness's sweet, youthful, nubile body! MWEE! X3! 

Could not end up going into Fangirl Mode as usual then, because Lady Anissina appeared with one of her Experiments of DOOM! which happened to be some sort of washing machine. Sigh…NOW I WON'T EVER HAVE THE CHANCE TO CONVIENTLY LOSE HIS MAJESTY'S CLOTHES AND MY SHRINE WILL CONTINUE TO CONSIST OF ONLY THAT DRATTED TOWEL!

DAMN YOU FATES OF LIFE! DAMN YOU!

**Current Mood: **Am retreating into my Pouting/Brooding/Sulking Mood once more…

_**Comments: **__Oh my! Have you heard the news, girls? Rumor is circulating that His Majesty and Lord vonVoltaire have discovered their true feelings for each other on their journey and have run away and eloped! _

_**-Doria (aka Maid #1)**_

_**Comments: **__gasps: NOOO! Say it isn't true! I had half my life-savings on His Highness and Lord vonBielefield conveniently getting separated from the others and having to console each other in their arms! _

_**-Sangria (aka Maid #2)**_

_**Comments: **__Well, Lord vonVoltaire does like cute things. I guess he just fell victim to His Majesty's adorable charm!_

_**-Lazania (aka Maid #3)**_

**Reply: **WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SPAMMING MY BLOG, YOU YAOI FANGIRLS? GO OVER TO YOUR OWN LJ AND GET OFF OF MINE! INGRATES! I SHALL BLOCK YOU FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!

**-Gunter**

_**Comments: **__Didn't you read what we just typed?_

_**-Doria (aka Maid #1)**_

**Reply: **OF COURSE I READ IT! WHO COULD MISS THE WAY YOU SO BRAZENLY WROTE-

OMG! GWENNIE AND HIS ROYAL CUTENESS HAVE TIED THE KNOT?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**-Gunter**

_**Comments: **__YAY! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! GIRL POWER! XD XD XD_

**-The Three Maids  
**

* * *

**Post 13: **Am quite relieved. His Majesty and the others have returned from quest with Demon Flute safely in tow and even better: GWENNIE AND HIS ROYAL CUTENESS HAVE NOT ELOPED AFTER ALL! Those lying, vixenous floozies…just wait until I get a hold of them. I SHALL SHAVE THEIR HEADS BALD! I bet they were only jealous of my luscious lavender locks. Those cheeky trollops! 

Oh dear. Have gotten self quite worked up. Must engage in Fangirl Mode to relax tenseness from body. Oh, this is where I stand and gaze fondly at the recovered Demon Flute. Sighs…His Highness's sweet lips have been on this instrument…

Is it possible to hole up a National Treasure in my Shrine of His Majesty?

**Current Mood: **Pondering

_**Comments: **__Steal that artifact and I'll have you court-marshalled, Lord vonKrist._

_**-Gwendal**_

**Reply: **Oh, Gwennie, I heard you turned over a new leaf and do not despise His Royal Cuteness so anymore! That is such refreshing news! So…what do you think of _me_?

**-Gunter**

_**Comments: **__You know, these knitting needles are not only used for knitting._

_**-Gwendal  
**_

* * *

**Post 14: **Once again, His Majesty has been pulled out onto a mission due to his Foolish Hero Complex. This time, he, Goldilocks, and Lord Stalker went off in search of the Demon Stone, which has magical healing powers and had gone missing. My lessons of teaching His Highness the noble history and this kingdom were most rudely interrupted! True, I was making most of it up, but that's how I received my job as an advisor. In politics after all, it's all about the B.S. I mean really, how can anyone believe the rot about clipping your toenails over two eggs medium poached will cure your nose hairs from growing too long. Utter rubbish! 

But it's soooooooooo hysterical to see people actually do it and know you are the genius who started it! It's just as good as making up a ridiculous chain letter and watching people frantically follow its instructions.

OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!

**Current Mood: **Vindictively Evil

_**Comments: **__Ummm…Gunter-sama? Have you been hanging around Anissina or Gwendal a lot lately? That was waaaaaaaay OOC! And yet…somehow right IC too._

_**-Maeyu**_

**Reply: **I think maybe the Almighty Author has been drinking too much coffee or I have been smelling some of that potion I make for no apparent reason again.

**-Gunter**

_**Comments: **__Ah yes…that would explain it._

_**-Maeyu  
**_

* * *

**Post 15: **His Majesty's quest to find the missing Demon Stone has ended in vain, since lead was merely a replica. However, did get to see His Royal Cuteness transform into Ultimate Demon King Form With Fetish For Justice once more. Am presently with His Highness and others at Farty Fatty Stoffel's castle where previously mentioned has instigated act of sucking up to get on His Majesty's good side, especially after that kidnapping business. Would feel irritated towards Farty Fatty's blatant brown-nosing if hadn't been engaged in anxious fretting with others over Lady Celi's current love interest, Crowfeet. Farty Fatty worried Crowfeet's position will rise over his if marriage is brought into play. Myself, Gwennie, and Lord Stalker are worried because everyone of Her Superior Majesty's marriages had begotten a child and the last one was a nightmare too horrible to be true. No one wants another Little Lord Brat running around, so we put our heads together to scheme up plan to nullify marriage. 

On another note, am also scheming up plan to steal Farty Fatty's portrait and statue of His Royal Cuteness. They are both positively scrum-dibbily-umpscious and will be great collection in my Shrine of His Majesty.

**Current Mood: **Plotting

_**Comments: **__Hey Gun-Gun, while you're on this subject, I have a message to give to you._ _After hours of discussions, my friends and I have decided that the only reason why you call Angl-uh, Wolfram (I have GOT to stop hanging with Yuri!) a brat is because you're jealous of his Greek-God-Like sexiness in which you do not have. Face it. You're just a pathetic Legolas clone. _**1)**_ Thou shall not have Yuri nor Gwendal! You hear?! THOU SHALT NEVER! _

_**-GoGothGirl**_

**Reply: **HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME IN SUCH A WAY! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW, I MAY BE A LEGOLAS CLONE, BUT I AM DAMN PROUD OF IT! THERE IS NO PATHETICNESS INVOLVED WHATSOEVER!

Blasted spammers. I am soooo Friends-locking this LJ!

**-Gunter**

_**Comments: **__But then who would comment on your blogs?_

_**-GoGothGirl**_

**Reply: **FLIPPANT HUSSY! THERE'S NO NEED TO BE SO, SO-_TRUE!_ :sobs: (T-T)!

**-Gunter  
**

* * *

**Post 16: **Recently, have been extremely stressed out over His Majesty. First, His Royal Cuteness falls down sand-bear hole at Farty Fatty's castle, along with Gwennie, Lady Celi, Crowfeet and Farty Fatty himself. Lord Stalker had to make big production of jumping right in after him in attempt to steal the glory of rescuing him all for himself. However, I did not give him chance and dug tunnel through the ground strenuously to be rewarded with prize of GLOMPING His Highness after had reached objective. However glee short lived as Goldilocks quite selfish and jealous when it comes to touching His Majesty. 

After sand-bear incident, Lady Celi's marriage plans turned out to be another harmless fling, much to everyone's relief. However, stress issues were just beginning. After returning to Covenant Castle, His Royal Cuteness goes missing along with Little Lord Brat. Was nearly aside self with guilt and anxiety. Perhaps His Highness had finally seen right through my B.S. stories about the Great Demon Kingdom's customs and told Gwennie! I CAN'T BE FIRED! I WON'T BE ABLE TO SEE HIS MAJESTY'S KAWAII SELF EVER AGAIN!

WHAT SHALL I DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?

**Current Mood: **ANGST! ANGST! ANGST!

_**Comments: **__Well, Gunter, when you play with fire, you'll get burned. Maybe now you'll use more caution when spouting out ridiculous tall-tales._

_**-iheartwmpp**_

_**Comments: **__Yeah! Hey, Space-Cowboy! Like, what's in the punch?_

_**-Jinjyaa**_

_**Comments: **__Gun-Gun's a phony! Gun-Gun's a phony! Nah, nah, nah!_

_**-punk princess and eustacia**_

**Reply: **SHUT UP ALL OF YOU! I HATE THE WORLD! I AM GOING TO SIT IN MY OFFICE AND IMMERSE MYSELF IN MY SULKING/POUTING/BROODING BROOD WHILE DOING A REMODIFIED VERSION OF "HE LOVES ME-HE LOVES ME NOT" WITH A FLOWER!

**-Gunter  
**

* * *

**Post 17: **Pouting/Brooding/Sulking Mood interrupted by guardsman who led me to Anissina and her new Experiment of DOOM! called Loved Detector-kun. Apparently, Gwennie had it on and it led him right to me! OH, I HAD NO IDEA HE FELT THAT WAY! AH, MY HEART IS ALL A-FLUTTER! OH, GWENNIE, WHATEVER ATTRACTED YOUR TALL, SILENT, SEVERLY GRUMPY SELF TO MY OWN CHARACTER? Was it my luscious lavender hair? It WAS, wasn't it? Well, I am attracted to your own long, silken ponytail myself! Let us entangle each other's hands into the other's lavish locks and immerse every fiber of our being into the feel of the texture! 

**Current Mood: **Swoonful

_**Comments: **__EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! LOVE! LOVE! MWAH! X3_

_**-The Three Maids**_

_**Comments: **__Is all right if I kill him now?: left eye twitches erratically: _

_**-Gwendal**_

_**Comments: **__Can't. He's important to the series' storyline. If he dies, you'll have to replace him in doing the pointless, meaningless acts in future episodes._

_**-Anissina**_

_**Comments: **__Damn._

_**-Gwendal  
**_

* * *

**Post 18: **Am somewhat disheartened. Apparently, Love Detector-kun only locks in on the nearby feelings of strong love. Gwendal was trying to focus on Little Lord Brat's love for His Majesty in order to find them, but apparently my love for His Highness was too strong. Therefore, Anissina transformed Love Detector-kun into Love Magnet-kun, and placed the task of locating His Majesty on my shoulders. My affection for His Royal Cuteness was so deep, Love Magnet-kun's circuits overloaded, but still was able to find His Highness. He and Goldilocks had stumbled upon the Bearbee nest secretly hidden in the castle and had caused the cocoons to hatch. 

OH, YOUR MAJESTY, IS THERE ANY THING YOU CAN NOT DO? MY REVERENCE AND AFFECTION FOR YOU HAS GROWS BOLDER EVERY PASSING SECOND YOU ARE IN MY SIGHT!

**Current Mood: **GLOMPFUL

_**Comments: **__Aw, stop it, Gunter. You're embarrassing me. I'm not that great, haha!_

_**-Yuuri (aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**_

**Reply: **OH, AND YOU'RE SO MODEST TOO! AH, I CAN HARDLY BEAR YOUR ABSOLUTE ADORABLENESS!

**-Gunter**

_**Comments: **__Hey Yuuri, speaking of affection and boldness, what do you do if someone is harassing you on your blog?_

_**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)**_

_**Comments: **__What someone is harassing you? Are you sure you understood them correctly?_

_**-Yuuri (aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**_

_**Comments: **__ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR, YOU WIMP?_

_**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)**_

_**Comments: **__AH! NO! All I'm saying is that you over-react a lot to harmless remarks!_

_**-Yuuri (aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**_

_**Comments: **__This person leaves his comments anonymous, but he keeps referring to himself as the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness. He said I was his crispy little chicken nugget and that he would like to dip me in sweet and sour sauce and devour me whole. _

_**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)**_

_**Comments: **__…………………………………………………………………………………………_

……………………………………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_OH MY F__**(CENSOR)**__ING GAWD! THAT __**(CENSOR) **__SON OF A __**(CENSOR) (CENSOR)**__! I WILL __**(CENSOR) **__HIM AND THEN I'LL __**(CENSOR) (CENSOR) (CENSOR) (CENSOOOOOOOOOOOR)**_

_**Censor **__sponsored by the Almighty Author_

_**-Yuuri (aka the Demon King, aka Urine, aka Ummm…not so much a Wimp now)**_

**Reply: **I don't mind His Royal Cuteness commenting on an off-topic remark from my post, but…DAMN THE SPAM TO HELL! WHY CAN'T ANISSINA MAKE AN EXPERIMENT OF DOOM! CALLED SPAM-FILTER-KUN OR SOMETHING!

**-Gunter**

* * *

**A/N: Haha! Well, here it is, the long-awaited chapter! I hope you enjoyed it! I know I did. I was laughing while typing it. So, Wolfram is up next, and you have NO idea how much I want to invoke my Almighty Author status and block you from commenting, but that just wouldn't be fair. So, fangirls, please leave comments in reviews, but just beware, the Adonis of Hotness probably isn't the only one going to reply, and I'm not talking about me, heehee! Please share with me your fav parts. Thanx for reading!**

**(1) Legolas belongs to the Lord of the Rings novels written and owned by JR Tolkien. **


	8. Wolfram2

**Disclaimer: **I do not own **Kyou Kara Maou, **Tomo Takabayashi does.

**Summary: **Livejournals which expose Kyou Kara Maou characters' deepest secrets, personalities, and desires. WARNING: mad rantings, jealous ravings, and numerous stalkings. Guaranteed to have you laughing your socks off. BEWARE!

**Title: Kyou Kara Maou Very Secret Livejournals**

**Wolfram**

**Post 14: **Day off to vigorous start! Woke up feeling most refreshed as just had finished great dream. I was in some sort of large stadium with people cheering and in odd outfit with strange cap. Played a weird game with some sort of narrow club, one overly-sized oven mitten and medium-sized white ball. Was winning whatever I was doing, even if I had no idea what was going on, but that is how my mind works. I am always the victor, and even if I'm not, I SHOULD BE! Not to brag on myself, but I am totally full of WIN. Due to this infinite factor, won whatever demented, non-realistic game mind made up amidst my deep throes of sleep. Dream got even better, though, because not only won game, always beat this Wimp look-alike guy. Almost brought him to tears with full-fledged WIN-ness. Unfortunately woke up, before Wimp look-alike could completely break down and lost chance to "comfort" him in arms...

Forget everything previously said.

Dreams suck!

**Current Mood: **Irritated at self for spoiling good mood and also at WIN-ness for being too all-powerful

_**Comments: **__WAH! Commander vonBielefield! __We LOVE your WIN-ness! Your WIN-ness ROCKS! NEVER LOSE THE WIN-NESS! Forget the Wimp! Captivate US with your WIN-ness! EMBRACE, ENTHRALL, _SLAY_ US WITH YOUR WIN-NESS! _

_**-Bielefield Cavalry(aka Adonis Chorus Line, aka Boys in Spurs)**_

**Reply: **Thank you, thank you for your support! But no slacking on duty! Back to your stations, boys! My WIN-ness should only be flaunted when absolutely necessary! It can wreak chaos and havoc if do not keep it in check. Other people are insanely jealous of my WIN-ness! You will tell NO ONE, my WIN-ness escaped this morning, is that understood?

-**Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness, aka He With the WIN-ness)**

_**Comments: **__SIR, YES, SIR! WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, YOU ARE FREAKING HAWT, SIR!_

_**-Bielefield Cavalry(aka Adonis Chorus Line, aka Boys in Spurs)**_

**Reply: **Ah, Fanservice! It's full of WIN! But not as much as mine!

-**Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness, aka He With the WIN-ness)  
**

* * *

**Post 15: **Day gone from bad to worse so far. Not only did dream leave me frustrated at unfairness of reality, but Gem of the Dragon King gone missing, possibly stolen. Wimp grew rather excited at this news and proceeded to act as much like someone called "Sherlock Holmes" as Lord Weller stated amused. Had to grunge around all day in Covenant Castle's basement/dungeons/cellar searching for Gem and making sure it wasn't just misplaced. Perverted Demon Sword, Morgif decided he wanted to get on with the action to and made everyone think he had found the thief. Turned out all he wanted to do was chase some frilly skirts around and Wimp pretended he was being forcefully pulled along the woman-chasing shin-dig without any choice. I CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH HIS LITTLE CHARADE! 

Also, Wimp almost gets kidnapped by some idiot ninja wannabes. I would have held the glory of rescuing his Royal Wimpy-ness Posterior by myself yet again, if Lord Weller had not proceeded to selfishly seize the spotlight. Captured one ninja wannabe, had him interrogated and found out Uncle Oaf (aka Stoffle) is trying to worm his flabby presence into Wimp's good graces. We all suspect Uncle Oaf may be behind disappearance of Gem of Dragon King too.

Only good thing about the whole day is Gunter getting some gaudy headband stuck on him that somehow restrains him from going into a close proximity to the Wimp.

**Current Mood: **Vindictively Gleeful

_**Comments: **__Ah, that is what I love about you, my deliciously spicy enchilada! Such anger and aggression! I have never seen anyone with such a mad passion and zest for life-well, except for me. And I see you possess a sadistically evil streak in you as well! Ah, who knew my heart would one day fall for such a devious little devil! Tell me, are you always this naughty? Hehehe…_

_**-Anonymous**_

**Reply: **All right, are you that Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness harasser who gave me that "crispy little chicken nugget" comment a short while back? Listen, I talked to the Wimp and he said harassing was illegal and I should block anonymous posts. You keep up with your odd references to me as food and I will not only follow the Wimp's advice, but I will Friends-lock this blog as well! And un-like Gunter, I have TONS of friends willing to sing me "normal" praises of my Super HAWT Bishounen Qualities. So quit your uncouth cat-calls while you have a chance to redeem yourself!

**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)**

_**Comments: **__Oh my darling medium-rare roasted lamb-chop, I LOVE how you try and sound threatening! It is SO CUTE! However, your efforts to moderate your blog will be futile. I have hands-on access to every security setting with full permission from the Almighty Author. Apparently, she and a large number of others are squeeing in fangirl-ish delight at this very moment due to me stalking you. Watch what happens when I type this:_

_Ahem...If you stood in front of a mirror and held up eleven roses, you would see twelve of the most beautiful things in the world!_

_**-Anonymous (aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)**_

_**Comments: **__ZOMG! ZOMG! SQEEEEEE! DAT WAS DE BOMB! X3 X3 X3! _

_**-littleladygoldie**_

_**Comments: **__AUUUUUGH! WHAT AN AWESOME PICK-UP LINE! GO WITH HIM WOLFIE! BE LIKE A COUPLE LIKE PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY!_

_**-Yuka Hasumi**_

_**Comments: **__NO, WOLFRAM! RESIST! RESIST! PLAY HARD TO GET SO HE WILL SPOUT OFF MORE WONDERFUL PICK-UPS! _

_**-iheartmwpp**_

**Reply: **SHUT UP! NEVER POST ON MY BLOG AGAIN, ALL OF YOU! ESPECIALLY THE PERVERTED GLUTTON! AND I AM NOT FREAKING BLUSHING!

**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)**

_**Comments: **__FYI, that pick-up line was full of WIN, and um, we never said you were blushing, Wol-chan…_

_**-Schnickledooger (aka the Almighty Author)**_

**Reply: **screams in frustration and logs off:

**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)  
**

* * *

** Post 16: **Set off with Lord Weller and Wimp and handful of bodyguards to search for information and whereabouts of missing Gem of Dragon King. Searched nearby town where they sell illegal copyrighted goods centered around the Wimp. Everyone rejoicing about new Demon King finally arriving, so decided to go easy on them and not sue. Even joined in on unlawful activity by buying t-shirt with requested text: "Me & My Wimp". Put it gleefully on over uniform much to Wimp's protests and Lord Weller's amused chuckling. Ignored and tried in vain to hint about Wimp buying me some roses. Wimp only stared blankly and inquired what I needed them for. Lord Weller's chuckling turning into a cough that sounded suspiciously like laughter. Luckily, was saved from hitting Wimp myself by clueless six-year old with illegal copyrighted wooden sword, who gave Wimp good whack on the head.

**Current Mood: **Annoyed

_**Comments: **__I don't see what you need roses for, okay? Plus, you're mind is wandering off-topic from our quest! We need to stay focused on finding the Gem of the Dragon King! Roses and that stupid shirt you have on nothing to do with our current mission!_

_**-Yuuri (aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp, aka Thou Naïve One)**_

**Repy: **Oh, stupid shirt is it? This shirt is symbolic of our love, you nitwit! And if you put your mind to use other than listening to your Foolish Hero Complex, you too would heed the whispered urgings of love needing to be expressed!

**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)**

_**Comments: **__AAARGH! I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU AT ALL! _

_**-Yuuri (aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp, aka Thou Naïve One)**_

**Reply: **Well, maybe THIS will make you realize the true extent of my feelings for you!

**-YuuriLOVESWolfram(aka the Adonis of HotnessXtheWimp4Ever!)**

_**Comments: **__OMG! YOU SO CAN'T DO THAT! CHANGE YOUR USER NAME BACK RIGHT NOW!_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp, aka Thou Naïve One)**_

**Reply: **BUY ME SOME FREAKING ROSES, YOU BONE-HEADED WIMP!

**-YuuriLOVESWolfram(aka the Adonis of HotnessXtheWimp4Ever!)**

_**Comments: **__ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! Look! I'm ordering them from an online florist shop this very instant! JUST CHANGE YOUR USER NAME BACK!_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp, aka Thou Naïve One)**_

**Reply: **Thank you. Now that wasn't so difficult, was it?

**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)**

_**Comments: **__I WANT TO GO HOME! (T-T)!_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp, aka Thou Naïve One)  
**_

* * *

**Post 17: **After proudly showing off bouquet of roses to all accompanying guardsman and gushing to every nearby townsperson of how thoughtful and in love fiancé was, had roses carefully sent back to Covenant Castle by mail-carrier. Would do no good if they were crushed on present quest. After searching for Gem for some time without any luck, was made to sit in coffee-house and baby-sit Wimp while Lord Weller went off to do some more searching on his own, no doubt, once again wanting to claim all the glory for himself. Wimp didn't like waiting and not-doing anything either, and begged to indulge in our own quest for the Gem. Had no idea puppy-dog eyes worked on me…

Turns out our search for the Gem fruitless also. Instead of finding out news regarding the Gem, had flashback of me as adorable, cute little baby and Conr-ah, Lord Weller when he was not such a glory-hound. Decided flashbacks were a threat that might soften my determination to give Lord Weller the silent treatment for as long as I had, so set out on searching for Gem as quickly as possible.

Apparently, t-shirt purchase and receiving roses were only bright highlight of day, as Wimp gets kidnapped due to Foolish Hero Complex. At first, was sure kidnappers were members of Hideously Ugly Boys Club out to get revenge on their more beautiful, hotter rivals, but it turns out it was only the work of Uncle Oaf again. Now will have to rescue Wimp's Royal Posterior…AGAIN.

On another topic altogether, as Wimp got kidnapped and only me and Lord Weller left due to guardsmen getting knocked out, received various whistles and cat-calls from passer-bys asking Lord Weller why the wrong person was wearing the "Me & My Wimp" shirt.

Needless to say, they all were flambéed, and I will say no more.

**Current Mood: **Satisfied

_**Comments: **__So, Wol-chan, on another completely off-topic remark, were you influenced in any way by wanting roses due to the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness giving you that great pick-up line? Are you even the teensiest bit turned on by his cat-calls?_

_**-lavariel**_

**Reply: **Of course not! I am not someone who is easily swayed by some sudden shallow spout of whimsical flattery!

**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)**

_**Comments: **__Oh, is that so? Then, I prithee, tell me, are thou some divine deity, for if not, why doust I feel the need to kneel before your presence?_

_**-Anonymous (aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)**_

**Reply: **LAME! LAME! LAME! LAME! LAME!

**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)**

_**Comments: **__Remember that the Almighty Author gave me full access to security and computer settings. I can see your face on the Webcam and all I ask is: would you like some fries with your ketchup?_

_**-Anonymous (aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)**_

**Reply: **MY NOSE IS NOT BLEEDING! I ACCIDENTALLY OPENED ONE OF THESE CANS OF "CHEERWINE" THE WIMP BROUGHT BACK AND IT SPRAYED INTO MY FACE! STOP STALKING ME!

:logs off to smash Webcam:

**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)  
**

* * *

**Post 18: **Rode vast distance with Lord Weller to reach Uncle Oaf's territory and only to get stopped by Crowfeet and his minions. Lord Weller furiously enraged-he also did have an obsessive, compulsive disorder. He was in process of preparing to strew out foes' inside from here to Big Cimaron, when Wimp drops out of tree onto back of my horse in full maid outfit. 

OMFG. The fates have heard my prayers!

Was going to sneak quietly away, but stupid Wimp had to call out cheery greeting to Lord Weller and call attention to himself. Ended up shaking horse's reins and fleeing the scene in attempt to gallop away into the sunset like hero in those fruity romance novels Mother used to read me as bedtime stories.

Good news: lost Crowfeet and his minions. Bad news: Lord Weller caught up to us and demanded what in the Great Demon Kingdom did I think I was doing. To which I responded, horse had shied suddenly at something and bolted. Then Lord Weller had shot me a very suspicious look before bowing and groveling and apologizing at Wimp's feet about what a let down of a godfather he was by not keeping an alert enough vigil. Sickened by another attempt of trying to get Wimp's good graces for his slip up, interrupted Lord Weller's long tirade and demanded if Uncle Oaf or anyone had ATTEMPTED on Wimp.

After all, men do not wear maid outfits, even if they are cute boys.

Much to my and Lord Weller's relief, Wimp said no ATTEMPTS had been made. Apparently Yozak was to blame for his present dress attire as it was necessary for his escape. Then Wimp insisted we bring him to the edge of Uncle Oaf's land where apparently civil war was about to break out due to Big Brother Gwendal and Gunter's Hostile Take Over Strategy. Wimp changed into usual black uniform that Lord Weller had so very conveniently on him, sped to scene on his own horse-not mine-sadly-gave his whole Let's-All-Be-One-Big-Happy-Family speech and when that didn't work, transformed into Ultimate Demon King Form With Fetish For Justice and whipped up tornado and made everyone comply to his rules with force.

Found out Gem of Dragon King wasn't really stolen or lost. It was on a cruise trip with Mother on one of her quests for love.

All a day's work in the life of Yuuri Shibuya, Demon King.

Now if you don't mind, I have to stop Lord Weller from thinking he's going to keep that maid outfit the Wimp was wearing.

**Current Mood: **Determined

_**Comments: **__Wolfram, I think you would look absolutely HAWT in one of Yozak's maid uniforms, preferably the mini-skirt model! Then you could be Zakky's little sister!:heart, heart:_

_**-Ronin-N-Gang**_

_**Comments: **__WE SECOND THE MOTION! C'mon, chant it, boys! MAID OUTFIT! MAID OUTFIT! MAID OUTFIT!_

_**-Bielefield Cavalry(aka Adonis Chorus Line, aka Boys in Spurs)**_

_**Comments: **__NO ONE IS GOING TO SEE MY DEEP-FRIED OREO WITH POWDERED SUGAR ON TOP IN A MAID'S OUTFIT EXCEPT ME! I SHALL EXACT JUST-er,I mean…I shall exact the best licensed lawyer there is to press my case! Stalkers, be witnesses! I officially PWN the Adonis of Hotness as my own!_

_**-Anonymous (aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)**_

_**Comments: **__Lol, I just wanted to say to Wolfie, I think you and Yuuri make a PWNZome couple, but you and the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness are full of WIN and even MORE PWNZome! X3 X3 X3!_

_**-Daikaio**_

**Reply: **THAT'S IT! THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND! No one _PWNS_ me! I PWN them! And you, whoever you are, are not PWNED! Blast this, why I am even wasting my breath on you? I'm out of here!:logs off:

**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)  
**

* * *

** Post 19: **Am seriously getting freaked out every time I post a new entry. Stalkers seem more aggressive than usual, so have hired private detective to find out identities, well, those that I don't already know. Have got to issue an order to my troops to tone down the amount of affection they have for me, at least vocally. It apparently causes riots as massive as my Hotness and WIN-ness does. Anyway, Wimp summoned back to this world due to a rumor circulating that he was really in Sevelara. Turns out it must be someone who looks like Wimp, because the person we summoned was the real Wimp. Believe me, I know. Stretched his mouth to make sure, plus, he shied away from the roses adorning the swan boat we picked him up while he was swimming in the ocean. Took him back to Castle and told him how another artifact, the Demon Flute had gone missing.

Is it just me, or are things disappearing too much lately to count as coincidences?

Anyway, Wimp once again, swayed by Foolish Hero Complex to set out and find missing object. He would not even stay long enough to hear that Gwendal's cousin had been sent out to find it several long years ago, so there was need for him to do the same. However, Wimp probably wanted to escape Gunter and his B.S. lessons of Great Demon Kingdom culture, and hey, I don't blame him.

So far, day good with reappearance of Wimp, however, must have private eye look into this Bandou-kun business. A dolphin, indeed! HA!

**Current Mood: **Suspicious

_**Comments: **__What do I HAVE to do to convince you I am NOT cheating? Not that I am saying that I am not cheating, because we're in a relationship, WHICH WE ARE NOT! Not that I am saying I DO want to cheat, because we're NOT in a relationship, which it technically wouldn't be cheating! Not that…uh…CURSES! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING NOW! Bandou-kun is a dolphin, so lay off him, or you'll have Greenpeace after you!_

_**-Yuuri (aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**_

**Reply: **OH, SO NOW YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME WITH GREENPEACE AS WELL? YOU CHEAP FLIRT!

**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)**

_**Comments: **__AAAAARGH! NEVER MIND! I GIVE UP! THERE'S JUST NO GETTING THROUGH TO YOU!:logs out:_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**_

_**Comments: **__Ahem, so, my little frosted choco-latte, now that my less inf-er, the Wimp, is gone, how would you respond if I say I knew the__perfect way _I'd_ like to get through to _you

_**-Anonymous (aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)**_

**Reply: **violent internet screenslap and logs off:

**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)**

_**Comments: **__Ouch. Does this mean we're engaged? You like me more than my less inf-er, the Wimp cuz you bitch-slapped me, right? Hello? My little turkey giblets smothered in gravy, are you there? _

_**-Anonymous (aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness) **_

* * *

**Post 20: **Day officially gone from bad to worse. Not only did I find out that Wimp was cheating on me with both Bandou-kun and Greenpeace, fell down Sandbear trap, therefore leaving Wimp alone in the hands of Big Brother Gwendal who was accompanying quest for Demon Flute, due to wanting to find his cousin, Hube, who was the original locator of the artifact. Even Lord Weller, who usually sticks closer to the Wimp than Gunter, could not be at his side to defend him from Gwendal's sudden urges of Cuteness Attacks. He had to go all Big Brother Mode and dive in Sandbear trap after me. What a…a…a…I can't think of a word good enough to describe him! HMMPH!

**Current Mood: **

_**Comments: **__Awwwwww! I LOVE Brother Bonding moments! Especially Con/Wolf! Mwee! X3 X3!_

_**-Schnickledooger (aka the Almighty Author)**_

**Reply: **Just what exactly are you implying, you Evil Authoress? And while I'm actually talking to you, how about revealing the secret identity of the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness? I KNOW you know who that person is!

**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)**

_**Comments: **__Oh, Wol-chan, you are so cute! Just think about it for awhile, and I'm sure you'll figure it out! Heehee! _

_**-Schnickledooger (aka the Almighty Author)**_

**Reply: **You know, I really hate when people condescend me like that. Plus, this whole situation I find myself in feels abnormal. It's as if I'm being set up like some pawn on a chess board and am being poked and prodded at by some unseen force with a devious agenda to get me to do their bidding…

**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)**

_**Comments: **__Hehehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe XD_

_(Note to the readers. Pay no mind to the laughing psychopath)_

_**-Schnickledooger (aka the Almighty Author)  
**_

* * *

**Post 21: **So, was rescued out of Sandbear trap by Lord Weller before I could rescue myself. Traveled to nearby Sevelera towns with few remaining guardsman, as one had apparently decided to honeymoon in the god-forsaken desert with monster Sandbear. I'd would go into a full-fledged lecture on the irresponsibility of such a reckless, spontaneous action, especially in a soldier who swore an oath to protect his leaders and country, however, Ryan is one of Lord Weller's troops, so that explains everything. After hours of trekking the endless desert, finally reached main city, where it was rumored two fleeing Demon tribesmen were recently seen. Lord Weller tried to make me stay behind. I really HATE when he starts that overprotective junk! He's worse than Big Brother Gwendal! However, was anxious for news of Wimp and finding out if he had cheated on me. Lord Weller and I disguised ourselves to the best of our abilities (i.e. covering ourselves from head to toe in long cloaks that are _so not _suspicious-looking in the slightest). Apparently, Lord Weller was concerned that I would be seized and carried away as well. Well, this is unknown territory, and I do not know how violent the Hideous Ugly Boys Club are here. It's best to be careful!

We searched all day in the town with no luck, until we ran into this young woman and kid after sunset in abandoned building. They were obviously hiding from something, and were a hair's breath away from getting caught by the guards loitering outside the ruined structure. Lord Weller and I intervened by pretending to be the only ones in the building

Oh, right. And pretending to be two love-stricken people locked fast in a frenzied passionate affair convened by lust.

Ahem, sorry. Mother's fruity romance bedtime story memories coming back.

Yeah, you got it. I had to pretend I was _my brother's lover!_

I agree. If I had not been in human territory, feeling weakened by all the esoteric stones around, I would have shish-ka-bobbed those busy-body guardsmen to a crisp for causing me such unwanted emotional trauma.

Suspect Lord Weller was enjoying himself too much.

I mean what kind of brother, no matter what predicament they were in, would tell the guardsmen there was no need to investigate the building because he was a member of the FBI (Fine Body Investigators) and he and his "lady friend" were about to "assume the position"?

Seriously, Lord Weller's pitiful attempts at pick-up lines are as lame as that Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness stalker…

GASP! (o.O)!

**Current Mood: **SHOCKED

_**Comments: **__Oh, my cinnamon-sprinkled waffles, I'm back! What intense fits of unbridled ferocity have I missed from you while I was off-line?_

_**-Anonymous (aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)**_

**Reply: **YOU REALLY HAVE NO SENSE OF MORALS, DO YOU? YOU KEEP AWAY FROM ME, YOU LANCE-A-LOT WANNABE! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF! I'M GOING TO TELL, MOTHER, SO THERE!

**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)  
**

* * *

** Post 22: **Now that I think I have discovered identity of the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness, am determined not to let guard down. Lord Weller, meanwhile, is playing innocent about the whole affair, pretending he doesn't know that I know and asking young woman whose presence we kept secret from guardsmen if she had seen two demon tribesmen in this town recently. She had and told us that Wimp apparently strutted into this town like he owned the joint and tried to change current jurisdictions, as he did not like the ones in place. Well, the Sevelarian law officials did not take kindly at a foreigner telling them how to run their country, so threw him into esoteric mine field and Big Brother Gwendal into prison cell for being associated with a "dangerous individual who spoke of rebellion".

Oh, and get this: Big Brother Gwendal and Wimp _eloped!_

How, how, _how_, can this be happening? I have one brother stealing my fiancée right out from under my nose, and another brother who seems to have developed an unnatural obsession with me and foods!

WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?

**Current Mood: **Pissed

_**Comments: **__Wolfram, I have nothing else to say other than I am LMAO! I just love how gullible you can be and jump to the wrong conclusions! Haha, but you're so cute, it makes everything worthwhile!_

_**-thacha**_

_**Comments: **__OMG, I know! He's adorable! Especially with his super uber kawaii granite butt! Teehee! X3!_

_**-They Call Me Soysauce**_

_**Comments: **__Hey now, no one talks about my honey's honeybuns except me! _

_**-Anonymous (aka the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness)**_

**Reply: **YOU ARE A SICK, SICK MAN! I hope you realize that!

**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)  
**

* * *

** Post 23: **Broke Big Gwendal out of prison cell, then set off to rescue Wimp from esoteric mine field. Stayed close to Gwendal as safety precaution while Lord Weller continued on his feigned ignorance act. Reached esoteric mine field just as very familiar Ultimate Demon King Mode With Fetish For Justice was about to nail several guardsmen's heads into the ground permanently. Apparently the esoteric mine field was its own prison for Sevelarian women who had relationships with demon tribesmen.

Ooh, the irony! The Wimp's punishment is to be thrown into a prison where he will be surrounded by women, which he seems to like more, and they in return have a fetish for demon tribesmen. Yeah, he will most definitely learn a lesson from _that! _Stupid Sevelarians!

Anyway, such interactions were illegal in this country, and the Wimp with his Fight For Right took it as his initiative to declare how_ unjust_ such a law was. Luckily, Big Brother Gwendal stopped him before he killed anyone, something the Wimp would beat himself up for later on.

Ended up fleeing country in caravan with refugee women from esoteric mine field, plus the young woman and the kid who had aided the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness into unmasking his true identity. Am most profoundly grateful to them. Kid turns out to be son of one of the esoteric mine women workers, while young woman is revealed by Gwendal to be his cousin Hube's girlfriend/wife. Oh, and she's preggers. Well, it seems good ole cousin Hube has been busy doing other activities other than searching for the demon flute. Of course, none of this matters, since Wimp recovered missing artifact on his own. It ended up saving everyone's lives, as we had not been too far out in desert, when we became trapped between raging Sandbear and fast-approaching Sevelarian army. Wimp proceeded to play short ditty on demon flute which mystic powers brought down rainstorm that shielded us from enemy's sight.

Turns out Sandbear had been tamed by deserter soldier, Ryan and dug everyone a safe passage home to the Great Demon Kingdom. Of course, Wimp wanted to return straight to his precious "Earth", however he was unable to do so. He threw a fit, saying he wanted to go home, and I tried to explain that _this_ was his home, so like it or lump it. Wimp didn't seem to enjoy my approach to logic.

I think perhaps it is time for another dramatic, fragile pose in nightgown to win Wimp over to stay…

**Current Mood: **Scheming

_**Comments: **__Ooh, finally! I was wondering when you were going to make any moves on Yuuri in that DAMN SEXY nightgown of yours!:wink:_

_**-**__**sHiNiGaMi-ArAsHi1412**_

**Reply: **NO MORE STALKERS! I'VE HAD ENOUGH! OFF! OFF-LINE NOW! MY WIMP AND I ARE ABOUT TO HAVE A KODAK MOMENT HERE!

**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)**

_**Comments: **__Don't be so stingy! Yuu-chan belongs to everyone! Nah-nah!_

_**-Anami-chan**_

**Reply: **HEAR ME ALL PARTICLES WHO DWELL IN FLAME…

**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)**

_**Comments: **__Retreat! Retreat! Every stalker for themselves!_

_**-All Stalkers/Spammers**_

**Reply: **That takes care of them! Now, where was I? Oh yes. _Yuuuuuuuuuuuuri,_ my ribbons on my nightgown have all come undone! Why don't you come over here and fasten them for me? And if the whole nightgown happens to come off…then we should not worry about the miniscule details of cheap manufacturing of the fabric and celebrate the fullness of life!

**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)**

_**Comments: **__You know, Ang-ah, Wolfram, I'm just going to ignore that comment and say, I'm amazed that you didn't ONCE spam my blog while I was lost in the desert with Gwendal or when I was thrown in prison. That wasn't like you. Normally, you'd be deafening me with cries of cheater and whatnot, but hey, I'm not going to complain. It was a nice break from your usual yelling._

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**_

**Reply: **Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. I would have kept my key trademark as a character going steady but I was too busy sleuthing out the identity of the Absolute Epitome of Power and Awesomeness. I just couldn't take anymore of his spamming about me, certain parts of my body and detailed descriptions of food. Oh, Yuuri, I think I can more closely relate to this "Sherlock Holmes" person you mentioned when searching for the Gem of the Dragon King! Yuuri? Yuuri? What's the matter now, you Wimp?

**-Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness)**

_**Comments: **__I __**(CENSOR) **__HATE HIM! I REALLY DO! HOW DARE HE GET YOU SO ABSORBED ABOUT _HIM _THAT YOU FORGET ABOUT _ME_? HE'S GOING DOWN! HE'S __**(CENSOR) **__GOING DOWN! DO YOU HEAR THAT, YOU FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION? I WILL CRUSH YOUR BONES TO MAKE MY BREAD! NO! EVEN BETTER! I WILL CRUSH MY HEAD SO YOU WON'T STAND A CHANCE!:begins slamming head against wall:_

_**-Yuuri(aka Demon King, aka Urine, aka Wimp)**_

**Reply: **Someone call Gisela! I think the Wimp's had too much sun from the desert! He's becoming mentally unstable! Really! Now he's laughing maniacally and talking crazily to himself! Hurry, people! I THINK MY WIN-NESS MIGHT HAVE JUST COMPLETELY ERUPTED!

-**Wolfram (aka the Adonis of Hotness, aka He With the WIN-ness)  
**

* * *

** A/N: Ah, sorry this chapter took so long. I'm taking Japanese over the summer, so less time. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! What did you think of it? Next is Gwendal. If you want to comment/fangirl/spam him, go ahead in your review. Please share your fav parts with me! I love knowing what you thought was funny. Thanx!**


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